Taryn is a 28-year-old soccer coach who lives in Forest Hill. “I’m a vegan and I probably look younger than my age,” she says. “Sometimes I tell people I’m 22 or 23 and they believe me.” Taryn likes running and rock climbing in her free time. She’s looking for a guy to have fun with, not “an immature child” she has to take care of. She met Robert at the dog park.
Robert’s dog and my dog are the same breed, so we had something in common right away. He was good-looking and well-groomed. (I mean Robert, not the dog.) He mentioned that that he was a laid-off accountant now working as a security guard, which sounded unlikely but, in this economy, who knows? I prefer to date professional men, as they generally tend to be more on the level, so I gave him a chance.
We decided to meet for lunch at a small café in Kensington Market. Robert showed up wearing nice pants, a cashmere sweater, and an oversized cap that had the word “security” across the front. He said he didn’t feel dressed without it; I couldn’t tell whether he was joking or not.
Without any prompting on my part, Robert started talking about his family and their burial plots in rural Ontario, and then asked about my desire to have children. I tried to deflect his questions; next, he fixated on a rag that was jammed in a crack in the ceiling, and wondered aloud if it was a bomb. I had to plead with him not to bring it up with the waitress.
I was definitely ready to leave when Robert excused himself and went to the men’s room. When he stood up, I noticed a folded piece of paper on his chair and couldn’t resist taking a quick look. It was a list of dates and women’s names. Beside the names he had written BJ, V, or *. I couldn’t decode the asterisk but have since been told that it was probably referring to anal. Why would someone carry around such a list? The only thing I was pretty sure of was that it was fake. There is no way that this weirdo could have hooked up with a whole list’s worth of women.
I put the list back on his chair. He saw it when he returned, gave me a quick glance, then pocketed it. I lied and told him I’d gotten a call; my friend Kristin had been in a car accident and I had to get to her. I actually felt sorry for him because he seemed to believe me and was genuinely concerned.
I saw Robert once more at the dog park. He said he’d found some accounting work, but was still wearing his security hat. He also said that he was ready to get married and have babies, but was still looking for the right woman. I wished him luck and left quickly.
Taryn rates her date (out of 10): 1
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