Julianne is a 32-year-old freelance designer who describes herself as “funny, generally easygoing, and tragically optimistic.” Her hobbies include listening to music, reading, and watching movies obsessively. She says, “I’m into artistic, emotionally stunted weirdoes and nerds, which probably explains why I’m still single.” Julianne met Arthur online.
Arthur messaged me first. He seemed to be a fairly typical, nicely dressed, condo-dwelling grown-up with a boring job, which isn’t exactly my type. Still, he appeared to be cute and nice, and was very interested in meeting me. I figured I’d just go with it and drink through any awkward silences.
It had been a while since I’d been on an internet date, or any date at all, so I decided to bring my A-game. I bought two tickets to a comedy show that I wanted to see, busted out the metallic eyeliner, and wore what I call an “action dress.” I was 15 minutes late to meet Arthur, but I eventually arrived at the bar where he was waiting for me, nursing a pint of beer. I was shocked when I saw him. He was handsome—like, photos-do-him-zero-justice handsome.
Our conversation was first-date-y, with a lot of small talk about work, school, and family. I have to admit that when he was telling me about his job, I tuned him out; I was thoroughly distracted by the visuals. We gulped down our beers because we were worried about getting seats for the show. I bought the drinks to apologize for being late, and when we settled up at the bar, he was pretty touchy-feely with me.
At Comedy Bar, it was so crowded that we had to sit close together. At one point, he put his face very close to mine and I initiated some mild kissing. It was great; he kissed exactly like a nicely dressed, condo-dwelling grown-up should.
He had his arm around me during most of the show, which felt intimate. I went to get us some tequila shots and ended up paying again. I didn’t mind, but I was surprised that he didn’t offer. At the end of the show, the makeout continued until we were the only ones left in the theatre, at which point I suggested we head to Christie Pits to continue making out on a park bench.
On the way, we stopped by a dive on Bloor that has always held a special place in my heart. We kissed and chatted and sobered up on the back patio. Arthur got a gyro and we shared a plate of fries. I playfully declared that he was going to be paying for the fries. Between the tickets and my various drinks, I had happily blown something like $70 on this date. The fries were $3. It seemed to me that he kind of got his back up about that, which is weird for a guy with a steady job.
It was getting late, so after a bit of kissing and me insisting that I would not be sleeping with him, I wished him a good night. He told me he’d call. Two minutes later, he sent me the following text: “You make me hard…. Sleep well.” I didn’t respond.
Two days after that, with no communication whatsoever in between, I got this text: “Hey, Julianne, I had fun Saturday and thought you were a very cool person, but, unfortunately, I didn’t feel a strong enough connection. I wish you all the best in your search.” Maybe he was worried that my fry habit would get too expensive.
Julianne rates her date (out of 10): 7
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