There’s this girl I really like. But I know the kind of guys she dates, and they have money—drive-to- the-club-in-a-BMW-for-bottle-service kind of money. I don’t have that and never will. Can a guy like me “turn” a gold digger?—Sam
I get that it’s just an unfortunate phrase most recently popularized by a still-really-good Kanye West song, but why are you instantly conflating her taste in guys with “gold digging?” Maybe these men have money, and maybe that’s what she goes for, but more likely she’s into their big balls packed into tight designer denim, which is both a description and an analogy.
Or maybe you’re right, but who cares? Being attracted to someone for their money is no more or less superficial than being attracted to someone for their high-water ass, is it? Among the very few unimpeachable lessons I’ve learned about what women want is that the only quality girls are consistently drawn to is standing up straight. (Again: a description and an analogy! I’m giving you value here.) Money or no money, acting like you mean it is more sexually impelling than anything.
So if that’s true for this girl, then you need to fake confidence until you feel confidence (which is a whole other thing; email me). And try to understand how money sometimes/often functions between men and women. Like this: A guy friend recently said, “It seems to me that in most aspects of life, women rule,” which is a pissy-ish sentiment currently being explored by Pete Campbell’s why-won’t-she-do-me story arc on Mad Men. Of course, in the ’60s, as today, money generally wasn’t one of the ways that women did have power. According to Statistics Canada, between 1999 and 2008, women made about 72 cents on the guy-dollar. During the same time, though, women’s average incomes increased at twice the rate of men’s. The Pew Research Center says that income disparity between men and women is lower for twentysomethings and thirtyishes than it is for older workers, and we know that more women are graduating from professional schools. And! It’s women who are emphasizing the importance of their own career success and therefore salary: The Pew study says that 66 per cent of American women between 18 and 34 consider their career a priority, compared to 59 per cent of men the same age.
It follows that if a girl cares about how much a dude makes, it’s not because she has visionsof being sugar-daddied. It’s probably because she wants to be with someone who’s interested in working hard and working towards something. It’s fine if you’re not that guy, but you can’t expect her to be into it.
This is embarrassing to admit, but I’m upset about some Twitter drama with a friend: She quit following me! I found out when I tried to DM her. It hurts, but I can’t help feel that I’m overreacting. What’s the verdict?—Carolyn
The internet isn’t real life. (Yet.) Allocating all of that time to internerding makes it feel as real as IRL, I know, but it’s not. Individual internet style is too often mistaken for an indication of personality, but it seems to have little in common with who anyone actually is; consider, say, your sweet cousin’s ignorant penchant for “Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Obama Is An Arab” inbox lunacy. Right? Separate what goes down on Twitter—which is like a sunless prison yard for braggers and the self-obsessed—from what is real and important between you and your pal. I mean, she might have unfollowed accidentally (it’s easy); she might not like the frequency or content of your tweets but still loves you (I frequently unfollow close buds for polluting my feed with “sports” because: gross); she might want to use her social media to track news rather than her friends’ adorbs daily insights. Call her instead.