Who: Helder Brum

What: Warm-hearted, fun-loving stand-up. And as a carpenter by trade, Brum will make you laugh and then build you a deck.

Where: Monthly at Comedy Bar; check comedybar.ca for listings.

Website: helderbrum.com

Twitter: @HelderBrum

How would you describe your sense of humour?

I’m not an aggressive person who takes things to dark places. I like to keep things pretty light-hearted, and it’s really just kind of silly and weird. It gets weird.

Who was the first comic who really made you laugh?

The first stand-up comedian I ever saw was Bill Cosby, and I loved him right away. I actually got to see him a few years ago at Roy Thomson Hall. We were the second show—he did a two-and-a-half-hour show first. I remember thinking when he got offstage, “Oh, it’s done?” Thinking he had done like, an hour. And he had been onstage for two hours and 45 minutes. I realized I was just a little kid watching the greatest storyteller and time didn’t mean anything.

What was the toughest crowd you ever played to?

I went to perform in Whitby for a youth group, and it was in the basement of a church. Every kid was 11 or 12, and this youth group was all kids with ADD. They all had ADD or ADHD, and the only thing they served there was a big table of Coca-Cola and candy. So every kid was so high on sugar, and there were no chairs. The kids just walked around, or sat if they wanted, during the show, and there was no stage, we just got up on a bench. It was me and this other guy who went up first. We were supposed to do 30 minutes each, and he did nine minutes and he came off sweating, in the coldest basement I’ve ever been in. He was covered in sweat, because none of the kids would listen—they were just all over the place. I had to ditch all my material and just started talking to them. It was the one time I ever did crowd work.

What’s the one joke you’ll leave out of a set if your parents are in the audience?

They’ve never seen me perform.

How come?

Neither of my parents speaks English. They don’t like going places where they feel uncomfortable. It’s not that they’re not supportive, they’ve just never come. It’s very strange for them—they know I could be making a good living because I know a trade. My parents are pretty supportive, but a lot of my family thinks I’m a weirdo.

What’s your favourite place to perform?

I like Comedy Bar, the cabaret space mainly, because it’s perfect. It’s not too big—with 20 people it feels full, and it’s intimate. Big shows are fine, but it’s this big performance and you’re separated from the audience. I also like the back room at The Ossington. Same type of thing, just a cozy, small room.

Fart jokes: Yay or nay?

I think fart jokes can be funny, but not every fart joke is funny. You watch movies where they’re not sure how to get a laugh in a scene and they’re like, “Just add a fart and the crowd will laugh and who cares.” That’s not funny. But I think in the right instance, a fart can be the funniest thing. And we all think it’s funny. In one way or another, you’ve laughed at a fart.

How dark is too dark? Where do you draw the line?

I don’t want any of my comedy to make the people who watch me perform feel uncomfortable. It’s just not who I am. I try to book shows so that you feel like you’re at a party and everyone is in a happy mood.

Those hard topics, like cancer and AIDS and rape, those can be analyzed and turned into a joke by a master. But I think the problem is when you see young people on open mics tackle those subjects and it’s like, “No! You’re not ready!” When you’re a young comic, you’ve just got your driver’s license. And you want to do what these guys are doing, but these guys are F1 drivers—Maria Bamford is in an F1 car pulling off things you can’t even comprehend.

What’s the one joke that always kills?

It’s an old joke, I’ve had it for a long time. I wrote it after my first big break-up. I talk about how I’m recovering from this break-up and I don’t want people to feel bad for me and I’ve made these big steps in recovering. But the big step I’ve made recently that I want to share with everybody is that I no longer spend my weekends at the library putting all the books on love under “fiction.” Just a quick Tuesday morning now. Just one or two books.

Catch Helder Brum and Friends at Comedy Bar’s cabaret space (945 Bloor St. W.) on Friday, May 24. $5 at the door. 8 p.m.

At night, the Trump International Hotel & Tower Toronto is supposed to glow. Lightline, created by Michael Snow and Scottish architect and lighting designer Jonathan Speirs, doesn’t give any hint of that at the moment: The glass cylinder running from the ground all the way up the northwest corner of the 281-metre-tall skyscraper looks more like a very large pale-green test tube than it does the $1.2-million piece of LED-lit public art it actually is. But that’s because, for nearly a year now, nobody’s bothered to turn it on.

“This has never happened before on the other public things I’ve done,” says Michael Snow, now 83, whose prior public work includes the Eaton Centre’s geese and the Rogers Centre’s fans. “It is very strange. The owners [Talon International Development Inc., who purchased the land the tower's now on for $27.4 million back in 2003] just don’t really elucidate.” Snow hasn’t been able to get an answer from them for why Lightline‘s still off. “They just say, you know, ‘call again.’”

Last June, it all seemed like it was going as planned. For a week, Snow and Iain Ruxton from Jonathan Speirs’ firm Speirs + Major spent their nights testing Lightline, watching from a place high up enough and with a clear enough sightline to see nearly the full length of it: a corner suite at the nearby Sheraton Hotel. ”If you turn it all on, it’s a long, thin white line,” explains Ruxton, who programmed Lightline. “The technology can do colour, but that’s not the point—it wasn’t trying to be like the CN Tower or something.” Because every one of the piece’s 5,000-or-so two-inch-large pixels can be individually controlled, “the game then becomes what can you do with this line, given that you can switch any part of it on or off?” Over the course of the week, they watched as Lightline mimicked falling snow and rain, or traffic at an intersection, or a hammer knocking in a nail, or thumped a musical beat. “A lot of them are inspired by something in the urban world around it,” says Ruxton. “There’s a lot of different things in there, an awful lot … What the system does is it strings together lots of different programs through the evening”—all in a different order so that “it should always be interesting whenever you go past it.”

“It was really wonderful—I’m really quite proud of it,” adds Snow. ”It’s very visible … I know that some people told me that they were driving on the Gardiner and they saw this thing and wondered what it was.”

No one, though, is quite sure what happened next. “When we finished in June, we were done—we were happy with it,” says Ruxton. “There was nothing there that caused me any worry.” Back then, he says that Talon, the Trump Tower’s owners, “were talking about various possible dates to launch it,” though everyone assumed that would happen sooner rather than later. “That, literally, is the last thing I know. All I know at the moment is that it’s still not on.” Ruxton says he’s “asked now and again” about Lightline, “but we’ve never had any confirmation from Talon as to what their plan is, so I don’t know.”

Neither does Catherine Williams, one of the public-art consultants hired for the project. “Really, I am perplexed. I honestly don’t know,” she says. ”I have not been given an explanation as to why … I’d heard that there some technical glitches, but then it went silent, and I really haven’t heard or been able to get anything.” Williams says that Val Levitan, Talon’s president and CEO, told her a while back that “it’s very complicated and they were working very diligently on it,” but there’s been no sign of progress since. “The only thing I can think of is, you know, [Talon and Val Levitan are] very busy. There are many aspects to running a hotel and a condominium, and he may be working on other things. But this is a long time to be waiting.”

The City of Toronto is getting tired of the wait, too. Because Lightline is public art (even though it’s privately owned), the developers, and then the tower’s condo board, are legally obliged to get—and keep—it working. “I don’t know what their issue is,” says Al Rezoski, who oversees downtown-area development for the City of Toronto’s planning department. “We were being patient with them, because of the building itself not being completed. I think now that, as far as I can see, everything’s been completed on the project, that would be the point at which we would go after them.” It’s not an empty threat; the City could, among other things, go so far as to pursue litigation, something the Trump Tower is already seeing its fair share of.

It took a week of emails to Val Levitan before a spokesperson for Talon International Development Inc. finally answered The Grid’s questions about Lightline. (Levitan himself wouldn’t agree to a phone interview.) The spokesperson, Dorenda McNeil, wrote that, actually, “there is no reason for the delay on lighting the installation. Quite simply, we are taking our time to identify and plan for the right time—and event—to mark what we believe is a celebratory achievement.” In other words, nothing’s wrong with Lightline after all; it really is just a matter of flipping a switch. When we asked how much longer from now that would happen, given that Lightline finished testing last year and the building it’s attached to now appears done as well, McNeil replied that, ”from our perspective, the building is not yet fully complete. We will turn it on at the right opportunity.”

Until then, Lightline remains in the dark.

GOT A MYSTERY YOU WANT THE GRID TO TRY TO SOLVE? Whether or not it involves $1.2-million worth of public art, email them to ask@thegridto.com, and we’ll see what we can find.

My three-year-old son Emile has finally recovered from his recent surgery and begun packing on the pounds he lost while unable/unwilling to eat. During the nearly two-week recovery following the removal of his adenoids and tonsils we, of course, offered him plenty of soft sweets—popsicles, Jell-O, ice cream, pudding, and Kinder eggs. The highlight was a batch of Yo Gabba Gabba cupcakes (hand-delivered by some amazing friends at their young daughter’s behest), which blew his little mind. (He ate Brobie first, obviously.)

But what also blew his mind was all the sugar.

Now, my wife and I are not fascists about sugar, but we are pretty hardcore. As far as E is concerned, chocolate milk is unsweetened chocolate almond milk, which has zero sugar. We don’t have juice in the house, so that’s something that he usually gets only at birthday parties or daycare functions. I take him to the Brazilian Bakery on occasion so we can get custard tarts and on hot days we’ll duck down to the gelateria—but both are special treats. We just don’t have sweets lying around, so he doesn’t often ask.

Oh, but he’s sure asking for them now. During that first week post-op, E refused almost everything, including sweets, so when he finally started eating we gave him whatever he wanted. But now he has a taste for it. He wants ice cream for breakfast, dessert after every meal, and, rather than his usual water, he keeps requesting juice, a.k.a. the devil’s drink.

We have always preferred to give Emile fruit as a treat. It’s nature’s candy, after all, and we always keep a wide variety in stock. So we’re now slowly weaning him off the empty calories and back onto the fruit, which has fibre and vitamins mixed in with its fructose.

And when I say wean, I’m not kidding. Sugar is basically a drug, as anyone who has seen their child’s personality change while candy, cake, or cookies work their black magic will tell you. It revs them up as the blood-sugar surge sparks a subsequent insulin spike, then brings them crashing down.

And, of course, there’s the whole childhood obesity epidemic, much of which can be attributed to the added sugar that is prevalent in most processed foods as well as sweets. (Exercise is vital to stay fit and healthy, but caloric intake is what ultimately determines weight.) The U.S. Center for Disease Control says that 44 per cent of toddlers are consuming sugary beverages daily—another study found half (!) of seven- and eight-month-olds are, too—and that the amount of calories in a young child’s average diet has gone up by 83 per cent.

And no wonder: The kid-targeted food industry has been jacking up the sweetness. The What to Expect site claims that “70 per cent of foods aimed at children—even those that claim to be nutritious—are loaded with added sugar.”

In Canada, it’s no better with another study finding over half of foods aimed at babies and toddlers had more than 20 per cent of their calories from sugar (or its sneakily named variants like high-fructose corn syrup, fruit-juice concentrate, sucrose, glucose, dextrose, cane juice, malt, molasses, lactose, honey, ethyl maltol, and maltodextrin).

Anti-sugar activists like pediatric endocrinologist Robert Lustig, who in late February co-authored a Nature article called “The Toxic Truth About Sugar,” argue sugar is poison and should be regulated like alcohol, through measures like additional taxes or sales bans around schools. This seems a mite excessive.

I remember going to the corner store near my elementary school and stocking up on penny and nickel candies and certainly wouldn’t want to deny that pleasure to my son. Candy, cookies, cupcakes, ice-cream, and chocolate are a kid’s only real options for vices—but, like any vice, access and amount should be tightly controlled. And that’s where parents need to parent.

The easiest thing to do is limit the added-sugar items in your house, be it obvious ones like sweetened breakfast cereal or insidious like “naturally flavoured fruit snacks” that boast of being organic and suitable for toddlers but have 6 grams of sugar in every 10 gram snack. It’s easy to blame the outside world, where places like the Science Centre spread candy piles all over the cafeteria in hopes of encouraging a meltdown-preventing purchase. But the Mayo Clinic actually says “more added sugars are consumed at home than at school, out of vending machines or at restaurants.”

We’re super lucky that Emile generally doesn’t have a sweet tooth. The first time we gave him proper sugar was the angel food cake my wife made for his very first birthday, but he just ate the strawberries off it and ignored the rest. Nowadays, I’ll buy him a lollipop and he’ll have a few licks and then wrap it back up for later. Same goes for ice cream, where he’s satisfied with a big bite and then puts the container back in the freezer. I have no idea how much of that is his personality and how much if it is due to our initial limiting of his sugar intake. A combination, maybe, but it’s a good balance that gets both him and us what we want. And it’s a combination we’re returning to.

Denying kids sweets altogether is cruel and inhuman punishment—and would eventually backfire as your kid gets older and sources it from elsewhere. The amount of happiness that those Yo Gabba Gabba cupcakes gave E was incredibly appreciated during a really tough time for him. But we still need to monitor and limit his sugar intake as much as is reasonable—or all that sweetness will turn sour.

Green = Vegetarian option

Blue = seafood option

Name: AAA Bar

Address: 138 Adelaide St. E., 416-850-2726

Slinging burgers since: September 2012

Burger Boss: Dan Vildaley

Specialty: Texas-style barbecue, like brisket and ribs, smoked using oak wood.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Chopped Beef Sandwich—oak-smoked AAA beef chopped and topped with bourbon-maple BBQ sauce.

Fine print: Closed for lunch.

Fun fact: Drink specials like $3 tequila shots and $5 pints of beer are always on offer.

Name: Big Smoke Burger

Address: Eaton Centre, Urban Eatery, 416-593-8880; 50 King St. E., 416-947-9500; 573 King St. W., 416-596-6660; 830 Yonge St., 416-922-8585.

Slinging burgers since: November 2007

Burger Boss: Mustafa Yusuf

Specialty: The namesake Big Smoke Burger with horseradish mayo, caramelized onions, smoked cheddar, tomato, and lettuce.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Green Goodness Burger—a six-ounce, grilled AAA ground chuck patty with lettuce, roasted red peppers, goat cheese, and a house-made “green sauce” made with cilantro, parsley, jalapeño, and feta cheese.

Fun Fact: The success of this Toronto-born burger shop means it’ll soon be expanding beyond Canadian borders. There are locations slated for Chicago, New York, Michigan, Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Dubai, and Bahrain.

Name: BnB (Inside the Sheraton Centre)

Address: 123 Queen St. W., 416-361-6363

Slinging burgers since: June 2012

Burger Boss: Leanne Muir

Specialty: The regular menu has its own burger section, where you’ll find a surf ‘n’ turf burger ($12) topped with a lobster thermidor gratin.

Their $5 Burger Week special: BnB Bison Burger—a bison burger with arugula, cured tomato, garlic aioli, and Irish porter cheddar.

Fun Fact: Like pickles? BnB has a drink for that—their Pickle Brine-tini.

Name: BQM

Address: 354 Queen St. W., 416-792-7792

Slinging burgers since: Fall 2008

Burger Boss: Chris Horvath

Specialty: Though all the burgers at this joint are delicious, first-timers should go with the namesake BQM burger ($8 to $12) with carmelized onions, horseradish, and garlic aioli.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Freshly ground chuck patty with grilled pineapple, jalapeno, tomato, and curry aioli.

Fine print: Burger Week special is available between noon and 4 p.m. only, and is not available for take-out.

Fun Fact: On the regular menu, diners can choose whether their patty is made from the chuck, brisket, or sirloin. Those with gluten allergies can opt for their burgers to be wrapped in lettuce in lieu of a bun.

Name: Burger Brats

Address: 254 Adelaide St. W., 647-352-4786

Slinging burgers since: April 2011

Burger Boss: Raza Jafary

Specialty: The Adelaide burger ($7.49)—goat cheese, lettuce, tomato, red onions, garlic mayo, and maple-syrup barbecue sauce.

Their $5 Burger Week Special: The Smokeshack—ground-chuck burger with Canadian cheddar, bacon, onion ring, and smoky barbecue ranch sauce.

Fine Print: No call-in orders or orders after midnight Friday for Burger Week special.

Fun Fact: The shop has more than a dozen milkshake flavours like chocolate malt, strawberry Pop Tart, and orange Creamsicle.

Name: The Burgernator

Address: 269 Augusta Ave., 647-748-0990

Slinging burgers since: January 2013

Burger Boss: Amer Mokdad

Specialty: The burger shop has quite a few burgers on its menu, but the one that stands out is The Burgernator ($14.99)—triple beef patty with caramelized onions, sautéed mushrooms, and Burgernator sauce in between two grilled cheese sandwiches.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Texas Ranger—a beef patty with smoked barbecue sauce, cheddar cheese, onion rings, and chili salsa.

Fine Print: Burger Week special is available for lunch only.

Fun Fact: The Burgernator has “weekly missions,” which are specials that run each week.

Name: e11even

Address: 15 York St., 416-815-1111

Slinging burgers since: November 2010

Burger Boss: Graham Pelley

Specialty: The Maple Burger ($25)—an eight-ounce Canadian prime-chuck patty with a maple sherry glaze, double-cut bacon, garlic aioli, and Guinness cheddar.

Their $13 Black Tie Burger Week Special: Nonna’s meatball—an American wagyu meatball burger with pomodoro sauce, mozzarella, parmesan, and fresh basil on an egg bun.

Fun Fact: There are over 3,200 bottles of wine in E11even’s wine cellar.

Name: Frank

Address: 317 Dundas St. W., 416-979-6688

Slinging burgers since: November 2008

Burger Boss: Jay Tanuwidjaja and Jeff Dueck

Specialty: The house brisket burger ($18).

Their $17 Black Tie Burger Week Special:

—Meat option: Beef patty, American cheddar, lettuce, tomato, shaved red onions, and crispy bacon.

—Seafood option: Shrimp and salmon patty with grilled marinated king oyster mushroom, lettuce, fiddleheads, and scallion ketchup.

—Vegan option: Chickpea and mushroom patty with spicy roasted peppers, lettuce, roasted garlic, and arugula pesto.

Fun Fact: Aside from having been designed by architect Frank Gehry, the restaurant also features an installation by painter and sculptor Frank Stella, making the restaurant’s name a no-brainer.

Name: Gangster Burger

Address: 607 Queen St. W., 647-352-3375

Slinging burgers since: September 2012

Burger Boss: Jonny Mackay

Specialty: The Dillinger ($7.99) made with a 6 oz. beef patty, caramelized onions, melted dill havarti, crispy bacon, chipotle mayo, gangster goo (a.k.a. spicy ketchup), lettuce, and tomato.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Asian-inspred “Kim Du-han” made with a 6 oz. seasoned beef patty, sauteed kimchi, chipotle mayo, and a fried egg, topped with gangster goo.

Fun Fact: Kim Du-han was South Korea’s most infamous gangster.

Name: Hard Rock Café

Address: 279 Yonge St., 416-362-3636

Slinging burgers since: 1978 (at the Yonge & Dundas location)

Burger Boss: Pascal Couerdassier

Specialty: The legendary 10-oz. burger topped with seasoned bacon, two slices of cheddar, a crisp fried onion ring, lettuce, tomato, and pickles.

Their $5 Burger Week special: A trio of sliders (one pulled pork, one pulled chicken, and one cheeseburger).

Fine print: No take-out for Burger Week special.

Fun fact: The Seminole Indian Tribe of Florida acquired ownership of The Hard Rock Café brand in 2007.

Name: Insomnia Restaurant and Lounge

Address: 563 Bloor St. W., 416-588-3907

Slinging burgers since: 1998

Burger Boss: Daniel Quintas

Specialty: The Insomnia burger made with 8 oz. of Canadian beef, aged cheddar, lettuce, tomato, red onion, pickle, and garlic aioli, on a milk bun.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The General, made with a beef patty, thick cut maple-glazed bacon, caramelized onions, lettuce, and balsamic aioli, on a milk bun.

Fine print: Burger Week special is not available during weekend brunch, nor is it available for take-out.

Fun fact: The restaurant was originally a 24-hour internet café, hence the name.

Name: John and Sons Oyster House

Address: 56 Temperance St., 416-703-5111

Slinging burgers since: 2012

Burger Boss: John Belknap

Specialty: A tuna BLT that replaces bread with panko-crusted fried tomatoes.

Their $5 Burger Week special: A smoked Fanny Bay oyster slider, topped with crispy prosciutto, iceberg lettuce, chipotle aioli, and smoked Roma tomatoes.

Fine print: Burger Week special is available for lunch only, at both locations.

Fun fact: The ‘Sons’ in John & Sons are owner John Belknap’s eight-month-old and two-year old boys. He is hopeful that one day (in the distant future) they will work in the family biz.

Name: Real Sports Bar & Grill

Address: 15 York St., 416-815-7325

Slinging burgers since: June 2010

Burger Boss: Tony Glitz

Specialty: The Breakfast Burger, which is a cheeseburger topped with a fried egg, caramelized onions, and maple-smoked bacon on a classic burger bun.

Their $5 Burger Week special: A-pork-alyptic burger—spicy fennel sausage, cured bacon, BBQ pulled pork, peameal bacon, and bacon-maple mustard sauce.

Fun fact: Real Sports has 12 types of burgers and seven types of sliders. Since opening, they’ve sold over 200,000 burgers.

Name: SpiritHouse

Address: 487 Adelaide St. W., 647-277-1187

Slinging burgers since: Early 2012

Burger Bosses: Kendall Collingridge (chef), Len Fragomeni (owner)

Specialty: While the bar is known for its excellent cocktails, there’s a delectable menu with sharing plates like a trio of bourbon brushed mini burgers.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Canadian prime chuck, mustard-grilled patty, charred red onion relish, pickle, cheddar, SpiritHouse special “spread.”

Fine Print: Closed for lunch.

Fun fact: The cocktail bar has one of (if not the) best liquor stashes in the city, with over 400 different bottles on site.

Name: The Works

Address: 60 Wellington St. E., 416-594-9675

Slinging burgers since: 2012

Burger Bosses: Zaki Zahur, Kelly Roberts, and Brent Shearer.

Specialty: The burger chain lets you chose between six different patties (beef, chicken, turkey, veggie, mushroom, and elk), as well as hundreds of fresh toppings, to make for near limitless possibilities.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Grid—chipotle ketchup, havarti cheese, four double-smoked bacon slices, and caramelized onions

Fun fact: Originally started in Ottawa, there are now over 20 locations of the restaurant in Ontario (and Nova Scotia) with more to follow.

See also: Burger Week preview—The West End

Burger Week runs May 29-June 1 at participating restaurants. On June 2, the restaurants will gather at Artscape Wychwood Barns (76 Wychwood) for Burger Day, offering all-you-can-eat sliders for $30. Click here for more information.

Courtyard House

Rear of 2087 Davenport Rd., #JNC

Built: 2007.

What’s the draw?: It’s a warehouse that’s been converted into a courtyard-style home-studio space.

Don’t miss: The annual exhibition at this private residence, where owners transform their home into a showcase for artists.

Harris Institute

118 Sherbourne St., #SLM

Built: 1907

What’s the draw?: A 100-year-old industrial building that’s been converted into a music-business school.

Don’t miss: Tours offering historical talks and even the opportunity to watch live recording sessions.

Leaside Lawn Bowling Club

190 Hanna Rd., #LEA

Built: 1953.

What’s the draw?: A surviving slice of postwar suburban outdoor recreation, which is celebrating its 60th anniversary.

Don’t miss: The opportunity to try your lawn bowling skills alongside veteran bowlers.

Robert McCausland Limited

30 Chauncey Ave., ETO

Built: 1962.

What’s the draw?: An active suburban stained glass design/manufacturing business.

Don’t miss: Learning how the oldest stained glass company in the Western Hemisphere (established 1856) designs and produces its works in over 450 shades.

St. George’s Greek Orthodox Church

115 Bond St., #CHS

Built: 1897.

What’s the draw?: One of the most ornate church interiors in the city.

Don’t miss: Originally a synagogue, it features Byzantine-styled iconographic walls painted by a pair of monks from Greece.

Doors Open Toronto runs May 25–26 at various locations around the city. For details, see toronto.ca/doorsopen/2013.

Thursday: One Night Stand Gala

The Burroughes, 639 Queen St. W. $100, tickets available online or at the door. Doors at 8 p.m.

At first glance, you might think this jam is a bit too pricey. But if you’re still on the fence about donating to a certain Kickstarter fund this week, perhaps you’ll reconsider and put that money to far better use. Tonight, the Hincks-Dellcrest Centre, a non-profit children’s mental health centre, will take to the top floor of The Burroughes in a bid to raise money and awareness for their cause. Hosted by David Sutcliffe (Gilmore Girls!) and Canada’s own Natalie Brown, tickets include a full bar, snacks, a swag bag, and a $50 gift certificate to Rosewater Supper Club. With more than one in five Canadian children suffering from a mental health problem, your $100 goes toward helping over 8,000 kids “through a variety of prevention, early intervention, outpatient, and residential treatment programs.” Find out more here.

Friday: ROMic-con

Royal Ontario Museum, 100 Queen’s Park. $12 adults, $10 students, available online. Doors at 7 p.m.

I know I’ve talked your ear off about the ROM’s Friday Night Live party series, but this one feels extra special: the ROMic-con edition! (Because Toronto hasn’t felt surreal enough lately.) Tomorrow night, bust out those Wonder Woman boots or that Dark Knight cape and teleport to the land of dinosaurs for a roaring party of cute nerds. The ROM is intent on celebrating “the superstars of nature and culture,” but I have a feeling people are going to get mad creative. The itinerary: a superhero retrospective on the ROM’s big screen, lessons on creating your own comics with a cartoonist, Google+ Hangouts with ROM conservation biologists, and a Second City improv show. Find out more here. And here’s some inspiration:

Friday: Sound & Vision, a Peaches after-party

Wrongbar, 1279 Queen St. W. $8 with Peaches Does Herself InsideOut ticket stub, $14 otherwise. Doors at 10 p.m.

After the TIFF screening of her debut rock opera doc, Peaches Does Herself, the Canadian anti-songstress took over The Drake Hotel for a building-wide bash: wild costumes, trans porn stars, 65-year-old strippers, champagne in your face, etc. During the InsideOut LGBT Film Festival, the film will screen once again and—of course!—there’s an after-party. With Peaches herself jumping on the decks, the jam will also see Austra’s Katie Stelmanis spin a set alongside other treats, like members of BoylesqueTO, Toronto’s all-male burlesque revue. Find out more here.

Saturday: #CrushTO’s 1st Annual Circus Spectacular!

Club 120, 120 Church St. $10 at the door. Doors at 10 p.m.

I can’t believe it’s been an entire year since I reported on the debut of the “I’ve Got A Crush On You” series, a.k.a #CrushTO. If you’re not familiar, here’s the deal: “a flirty event series for hot, nerdy people who want to make sex-positive like-minded friends.” That means everyone’s invited to vibe out. For the big milestone, the troupe of hosts will turn Club 120 into Sexy Time Circus: daredevils, red noses, and kissing booths! Oh, and I’m spinning some tunes for the night. Find out more here.

Wednesday: Sausage League, a weekly competition

Marben, 488 Wellington St. W. $25. Doors at 5:30 p.m.

At the beginning of May, the always-A+ Marben restaurant re-launched with a new feel—a Marben 3.0, if you will, featuring a delectable menu from chef Rob Bragagnolo and a refreshed basement lounge for more relaxed meals and cocktails—and a big screen if you’re sports-ing. To cap off the month, the Wellington resto is welcoming back Sausage League, an annual competition now in its third year. Here’s the deal: On summer Wednesdays, over a dozen local chefs and butchers will represent their restaurants in a sausage showdown. With two chefs competing each week, it’s an on-site battle royal. The regular season runs until July 17, and the playoffs take us through August, and the final goes down on September 18. (The winners will receive airfare for two to Chicago, and will have their names engraved onto the Froman Cup, which will be displayed in a new Sausage League shrine.) The $25 admission gets you two sausage dishes, two Muskoka beers, and a vote. Stay tuned here.

Club: Boa Café, 25 Bellair

Years in operation: 1989-1998

History: This is a tale of two interconnected yet vastly different Toronto venues, each influential in its own way. For this article, I will be focussing on the first, Boa Café; the story of its second incarnation, Boa Redux, will be told in the next edition of Then & Now.

At the story’s centre lies Rony Hitti.

“I grew up in a family of restaurateurs and hoteliers, and was supposed to be the banker in the family,” says Hitti, who would instead become owner-operator of both Boas.

Hitti dutifully studied business finance and politics at York University, but also DJed steadily during the 1980s. He played a variety of Midtown-area clubs, and started his own DJ company, dubbed Earthquake in reference to the powerful Sensurround sound system created for the 1974 film of the same name.

“It used to shake movie theatres, and I bought one. I did pretty much all of the dances at York with that system.”

Banking didn’t work out for Hitti at the time, nor did dishwashing at his father’s restaurant. Instead, he studied culinary arts in Switzerland for a year. Upon returning, Hitti brainstormed a business plan with Charles Khabouth; the two Lebanese-Canadians had become friends as Hitti spent much time at Khabouth’s trendsetting Stilife nightclub.

“Charles and I were really close. We hung out, and traveled together. On a trip to Montreal, we went to a place called Lola’s Paradise. Lola’s was fine dining with that really cool Montreal vibe. We thought Toronto could use something like it.

“Back then, last call was 1 a.m. and, inevitably at that time, everybody was looking for something to do. The only places to go were in Chinatown, for bad Chinese food, or Bemelmans on Bloor. We realized that the city needed a funky late-night dining spot that catered to a Stilife-like crowd.”

Initially 50/50 partners, the men envisioned a chic, but relaxed social spot that would serve quality food and drinks from noon until late night, five days a week. They looked to Yorkville for the location, and found 25 Bellair, formerly a daytime coffee shop. Five steps down from the sidewalk, but with a sizable window looking out at street level, the location was one long, narrow room that Hitti and Khabouth would greatly re-design.

“Yorkville was very much ’80s yuppie central,” Hitti recounts. “We wanted to bring Queen Street cool to Yorkville glam.”

Boa Café opened in October of 1989. There was nothing understated about it.

From the October, 28, 1989 edition of the Toronto Star

Why it was important: Although Boa Café only seated 40, it had “the instant distinction of being the trendiest place in Toronto,” wrote the Toronto Star’s Christopher Hume in an appreciative review dated October 28, 1989.

Boa became one of this city’s most coveted social spots thanks to a confluence of key elements and people. It certainly was an eye-popping location, whether one chose to hang out by day—magazines, chess, and backgammon were all on offer—or night.

“There was nothing like Boa in the city at that time,” says early staffer Marcos Durian, then also a production assistant in both film and still photography. “It was a small space with incredible design that drew the masses from early afternoon to the break of dawn. Boa may have been in Yorkville, but it was so un-Yorkville.”

The aesthetic of Boa’s 1,200 square feet was largely imagined by Rony’s cousins Gregory and Alexander Gatserelia, together known as Gatserelia Design. Artist Kenny Baird, who had created installations and core elements for many clubs in the U.S. and Canada (including Khabouth’s Stilife), contributed Boa’s signature mosaic tiling, which covered much of the space.

“This was the ’80s, when it was the more detail the better,” chuckles Hitti. “Every single inch of it was designed, including the washrooms. The look of it was very whimsical; Gregory’s description was ‘It’s Antoni Gaudi meets Cocteau.’”

A bar ran the length of Boa’s room, with benches by the entrance and rows of tables filling the floor space.

“Boa packed a heavy visual punch,” says Durian. “It was dark and intimate, with warm lighting fixtures, specially treated sinuous metal, and a copper-bar top. An intricate, colourful, serpentine mosaic stretched across the floor and south wall from the front door to the restrooms in the back. A curved sheet-metal sculpture hung from the ceiling. The walls were a sponged dark brown with one gold-leaf wall that curved, like the contours of a snake behind the bar. Hence ‘Boa,’ as in the snake.”

But it wasn’t just Boa’s aesthetic details that attracted patrons; it was also the energy, talents, and youth of the Café’s early staff. Most were already friends, or became connected as patrons of Boa. Durian hung out before being hired as a waiter and bartender because his pal Thomas Koonings worked there in the same role. Both became super tight with Mark Bacci, a teenager who grew to become a star chef at Boa Café after Hitti showed him the ropes.

“Mark could not break an egg at the outset, but had an incredible palate,” says Hitti.

“I learned to cook from Rony in the early days,” agrees Bacci. “I was a natural at it, but he showed me a lot.”

Also central was Bassam “Sam” Nicolas, who had worked for Hitti’s parents for a decade prior to becoming Rony’s “right-hand man” and general manager at Boa. Hitti gives credit as well to “all-star waitresses” Rebecca Shafrir and Sacha Grierson, both of whom became part of the Boa team while still in university.

“Mostly, we didn’t feel like we were working,” says Shafrir by email, echoing a common sentiment. “It was rather like we were having fun in our own very edgy salon.”

All of these people personified Boa Café during its first year, a year that Hitti actually describes as “very difficult, business-wise” for himself and partner Khabouth.

“We lost our shirts, and Charles was starting to experience problems at Stilife because of Oceans [the club’s adjoined restaurant],” states Hitti. “The relationship went sour between the two of us, and we decided to go our separate ways.

“That’s when Boa became my baby. I made the food more dining, and less café-ish. I also decided to bring in some of the sound equipment from my house for the music, place a DJ behind the bar, and turn it into more of a party venue. It worked.”

No matter the hour, if Boa was open, so was its kitchen. Many describe the Café’s food in loving detail. (“There were chicken sandwiches with aioli to die for, the best tomato spaghetti by Mark Bacci, and a yellow plum tomato salad that no other fine dining restaurant could better,” writes Shafrir.)

“It was a small, eclectic menu with French, Italian, and Middle Eastern influences,” says Durian. “Mark Bacci was a one-man show, with two hot plates and a convection oven. I don’t know how we serviced all those people with the small work space and tools at our disposal.”

So too grew Boa’s focus on music. It had been integral from day one, as Hitti and DJs from Stilife provided funky mixtapes of soul, rare groove, deep disco, and early house, but the Café became more synonymous with its sounds after Hitti placed his turntables behind Boa’s bar.

“Boa was the first bar/restaurant in Toronto to incorporate a DJ at all times,” he claims.

At first, all of Boa’s staff took turns behind the decks, with Stilife DJs including Chris Klaodatos stepping in to play occasional late-night parties for which the tables and chairs would be pushed aside. Boa also hosted art exhibits, film-festival parties, fashion shows, and other events. The late night crowds began to swell.

“Boa was like the cool people’s secret,” recalls Shafrir, who left after her first summer to continue studies. (She is now a Trade Commissioner for the Government of Canada, working in Tel Aviv.)

“It was small, and from the street no one could guess it was the place to be,” she adds. “Yorkville was flashy and fake; Boa was the real deal. It had a crowd of regulars who kept it alive. It was a rather underground, artsy vibe.”

“Boa blew up at night, into this after-hours scene,” describes Bacci. “Everyone from the industry found themself at Boa. It was like this underground hub of what was cool in the city. It wasn’t a boozecan; people actually came to hang out, eat, and drink. Every top chef went, along with restaurant owners and workers. We would throw parties once a month that became an insane night, spilling out onto the streets of Bellair. Cops never bothered us—because they were customers, and because the food was so good that it just wasn’t that kind of place.

“Because of Boa, and the fact that everyone came there, a 17-year-old [like myself at the time] got reservations at top restaurants in the city on a last-minute call, or just by walking in.”

Kenny Baird’s signature mosaic tiling, as featured in the Oct. 1991 edition of Interior Design magazine.
(Courtesy of INK Entertainment.)

Occasional parties gave rise to DJs on Boa’s decks Thursdays through Saturdays, when the Café would be open as late as 5 or 6 a.m. Boa became the late-night hangout for a huge range of people.

“It all happened very organically,” says Hitti. “We didn’t decide to become a boozecan; we were open late, serving food, and once in a while we’d have friends come in. They would get their ‘cold tea,’ and slowly but surely, the circle of friends became bigger and bigger. We basically became the hangout for everyone from politicians to crown attorneys, senior cops, very wealthy people, and at the same time even some of the biggest drug dealers in the city. The cross-section was amazing.”

“Boa was a kind of enigma where it wasn’t a club, a full-blown restaurant or a bar, yet it managed to be all these things and more in one night,” describes Durian. “Boa had a myriad of identities, which changed by the hour and by the clientele. You couldn’t cast half the people that came in.

“It was a melting pot, a mash up from every aspect and genre of nightlife in the city, especially on the weekends. You had the Stilife crowd, the Go-Go mob, everyone that worked at the clubs, bars, and restaurants. You had city brass, weekend warriors, pro athletes, hip-hop artists, the gays, the fashionistas, actors, producers, those looking for fame, and those just looking for a good time. You had nobodies, freaks and geeks, the rich and the not rich of all races. There was no end to the diversity that walked through that door.”

Durian, who left Boa in 1992 to study film in London and then New York (he’s now a Los Angeles-based director and cinematographer), mentions visits from the likes of Ben Kingsley, Lennox Lewis, Kid ‘n Play, and members of both the Toronto Maple Leafs and Blue Jays.

“When the Blue Jays won the World Series [in 1992, 1993], we were the place they came to celebrate,” confirms Hitti. “Boa was one of, if not the only place, you could find Galen Weston sitting adjacent to [later murdered] mob enforcer Eddie ‘Hurricane’ Melo, sitting next to a bevy a models, next to Queen Street types, next to other socialites and low lives all in perfect harmony. We operated on a face-and-attitude door policy: We either knew you, or you were cool enough to get in. It wasn’t about money. It wasn’t about being famous.” (Interior photos of Boa Cafe are rare; as Hitti admits, ”We didn’t allow cameras in there, for obvious reasons.”)

A young Susur Lee is reported to have been a Boa regular, as were owners of restaurants including Rodneyʼs Oyster House, Splendido, and Centro. A new generation of club and restaurant promoters and owners (or owners-to-be) also hung out, including the Assoon brothers (Twilight Zone), Edney Hendrickson (Octopus Lounge), and Leslie Ng and Byron Dill (Kubo DX and more).

Dill, in fact, was such a regular at Boa, he later joined the staff as a bartender and event promoter.

“Byron brought that very Queen Streetish crowd vibe,” Hitti admits. “He and his friends helped make Boa Café what it was in a lot of ways.”

Bacci, in turn, credits Hitti with connecting scenes and communities.

“Yorkville was dud central at the time, [full of] dated places,” says Bacci. “It was like what Rony did in its own strange way harkened back to the Yorkville of the 1960s, like when Joso’s was just a place to drink. Boa somehow became the centre of the universe for the downtown scene. You felt like you were a part of something [that was] almost before its time for the city.”

Like friends Durian and Thomas Koonings, Bacci left Boa in the early ’90s. He moved on to cook at restaurants including Left Bank and 80 Scollard, before re-locating to New York for film school. He’s made his way as a U.S.-based actor, writer, and director ever since, maintaining ties to both Boa and Toronto. And though he and his family split time between L.A. and Hawaii, Bacci co-owns a number of Toronto restaurants, including the Lil Baci locations. (Durian has served as Director of Photography on all of Bacci’s films.)

Food remained very much a focus at Boa long after Bacci’s departure, but its DJs and late-night dancing continued to grow in popularity. After DJ Chris Klaodatos left as resident, Energy 108’s DJ Fran stepped in as Boa’s main weekend spinner from 1993 to 1996, with DJ Radamés Nieves blending Latin and Afro beats on Thursdays and occasional Fridays.

For a six-month-period of Saturdays in 1996, Fran was also joined by Hedley Jones a.k.a. Deadly Hedley, a CFNY and Klub Max alumni who, by then, also worked for Energy 108. Fran and Hedley’s popular live-to-air from Boa Café ended abruptly when Fran was found dead one Sunday morning, after he’d left the party. (Jones is now based in Los Angeles where he works as a photographer.)

“In a way, a bit of the spirit of Boa went out with Fran,” says Hitti. “It was a very close-knit group.”

The Boa bar, as featured in the Oct. 1991 edition of Interior Design magazine. (Courtesy of INK Entertainment.)

What happened to it: By 1996, Boa Café was so busy that a second room was added, doubling the venue’s square footage and creating a designated dancefloor. Many hundreds of people would come through on weekends, packed in “like sardines,” according to Hitti.

“If one person danced, everybody danced. People would dance on tables and chairs, they’d dance on the bar, there were people having sex. It was absolute debauchery.”

That said, Boa didn’t receive a lot of police attention.

“I would get raided twice a year, and the charges would disappear,” shares Hitti. “Everybody thought that I was paying off half the city. I never paid anyone a single dime, but I kept good relations with everybody, and I guess people thought, ‘Why not? The place doesn’t have any problems.’ There was no overt drug dealing, everybody was having fun, and it was a discreet venue in Yorkville. It kind of took on a life of its own.”

But Hitti acknowledges, “It got to the point where the place was so busy that eventually this was its downfall.

“Literally, people would get off a plane at 1 a.m., ask where they could get a drink, and taxi drivers would bring them down. People would show up at the door, and many would be told they could not come in. We had just one doorman, Larry Trump; he could handle all those crowds by himself.

“One night in 1996, Larry told some guys they could not come in. I was called over, and said the same. One of them looked at me and said, ‘I’ll come back and spray the place.’ He went to his car in the parking lot, pulled out a machine gun, and shot seven bullets through the window. We had two of those incidents, and that’s largely what motivated me not to renew the lease in the end. Both times when it happened, the place was packed and bullets literally flew over everybody’s heads. Nobody got hurt. Twice lucky, we weren’t going to risk a third time.”

By 1998, when Hitti’s lease at 25 Bellair came up for renewal, he also owned businesses including Brasserie Zola (“a very bourgeois French restaurant”), Winston’s (“probably the highest-rated fine-dining restaurant in the city [at the time]”), and Turkish Bath, the member’s-only nightclub beneath it.

“My name was associated with being a chef, and owner of fine dining establishments,” Hitti concludes. “The last thing I wanted was my name in the newspaper associated with a shooting.”

The lower level of 25 Bellair is now home to Vaticano Restaurant.

The story of Boa continues in the next edition of Then & Now, when I revisit the club’s resurrection in the early 2000s as after-hours dance club Boa Redux on Spadina.

Thank-you to participants Mark Bacci, Marcos Durian, Rebecca Shafrir, and Rony Hitti, as well as to Hedley Jones and Thomas Koonings.

To date, Then & Now has explored the stories of more than 35 influential clubs. Read this ongoing series, devoted to Toronto nightlife history, here at The Grid and join the conversation at Denise Benson’s related Facebook page.

You can also join Denise this Saturday (May 25) at 3 p.m., when she’ll be speaking about Toronto club culture at the City Hall Rotunda as part of Doors Open. Details can be found here.

Green = Vegetarian option

Blue = seafood option

Name: Barque Smokehouse

Address: 299 Roncesvalles Ave., 416-532-7700

Slinging burgers since: April 2011

Burger Boss: David Neinstein

Specialty: Smoked brisket burger with candied smoked bacon and cheddar, and a side of corn, salad, fries, or soup ($14) available during lunch.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Smoked “ham burger” (pulled pork burger) with tomatoes, arugula, aged cheddar, and spicy tomato jam.

Fun Fact: The mouthwatering brisket takes 12 hours to cook in the restaurant’s 500-pound smoker.

Name: The Beet

Address: 2945 Dundas St. W., 416-916-2368

Slinging burgers since: February 2008

Burger Bosses: Erin Martin, Kahle Flaherty, David Cousins, and Stuart Vaughan

Specialty: Delectable organic fare, with lots of veggie and meat-centric options.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Spiced lamb kofta burger with yogurt cheese, spicy tomato jam, and cucumber on a sesame kamut bun

Fine print: No substitutions or take-out for Burger Week special, and no reservations.

Fun Fact: One of the kid’s meals here is called the “Beet box.” So punny!

Name: BQM

Address: 210 Ossington Ave., 416-850-1919

Slinging burgers since: Fall 2008

Burger Boss: Chris Horvath

Specialty: Though all the burgers at this joint are delicious, first-timers should go with the namesake BQM burger ($8 to $12) with carmelized onions, horseradish, and garlic aioli.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Freshly ground chuck patty with grilled pineapple, jalapeno, and curry aioli, lettuce, and tomato.

Fine print: Burger Week special is available between noon and 4 p.m. only, and is not available for take-out.

Fun Fact: On the regular menu, diners can choose whether their patty is made from the chuck, brisket, or sirloin. Those with gluten allergies can opt for their burgers to be wrapped in lettuce in lieu of a bun.

Name: The Caledonian

Address: 856 College St., 416-547-9827

Slinging burgers since: October 2010

Burger Boss: Sara Phillips

Specialty: The half-pound Caley Burger with red onion, tomato, Kosher dill pickle, and chips ($12).

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Highland Haggis Burger—traditional Scottish haggis burger topped with caramelized onions and whisky cheese sauce.

Fine Print: Burger Week special is only available during dinner, and is not available for take-out.

Fun Fact: Show up to the pub in a kilt during Burger Week at the city’s only Scottish Public House and Whisky Bar and get a free dram (whisky sample).

Name: The Dakota Tavern

Address: 249 Ossington Ave., 416-850-4579

Slinging burgers since: December 2006

Burger Boss: Mike Cross

Specialty: The Dakota Burger ($11) with a massive 8-oz. patty.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Dakota Daddy Burger—brisket/hanger steak/chuck blend with grilled Vidalia onion, cheddar, lettuce, tomato, house-made pickle, and chipotle mayo.

Fine Print: Closed for lunch.

Fun Fact: CMT films a concert series (aptly called The Dakota Sessions) at this intimate concert venue that has featured artists like Ron Sexsmith and Gord Downie.

Name: Dave’s on St. Clair

Address: 730 St. Clair Ave. W., 416-657-3283

Slinging burgers since: November 2010

Burger Boss: Liz Guerrier

Specialty: Dave’s Burger—house-ground beef chuck with house-made tomato jam, aioli, arugula, cheddar, and crispy onions on a homemade potato bun with fries ($12).

Their $5 Burger Week special: Ground beef patty with arugula, horseradish aioli, home-made pickles, and shaved red onion on a house-made potato bun.

Fine Print: Closed for lunch Wednesday and Thursday. Burger Week special is not available for take-out.

Fun Fact: Dave’s not here, man. The restaurant is actually named after the previous tenant, Dave’s Gourmet Pizza.

Name: Emma’s Country Kitchen

Address: 1108 St. Clair Ave. W., 416-652-3662

Slinging burgers since: July 2012

Burger Boss: Rachel Pellett

Specialty: The “I know what you did last night burger”—available on the weekend brunch menu—is a house-made sage-and-onion sausage burger topped with cheddar, bacon, lettuce, tomato, onions, ketchup, and garlic mayo on a house-made bun.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Corn-and-chickpea Burger—a crispy corn and chickpea fritter with lemon-basil mayo, shaved cucumber, pickled red onion, and baby arugula.

Fine Print: Burger Week special is available for lunch only.

Fun Fact: The restaurant will also be serving burger donuts ($3), as seen on Donut Showdown, on June 1.

Name: The Emerson

Address: 1279 Bloor St. W., 416-532-1717

Slinging burgers since: November 2012

Burger Boss: Kyle Kadas

Specialty: The namesake burger ($12). It’s a brisket/chuck/ribeye patty with Beemster cheese sauce, caramelized onions, garlic aioli, lettuce, tomato, and a Kosher pickle.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Lucky you—they’re serving the deliciously gooey Emerson Burger for only $5.

Fine Print: Closed for lunch. And no take-out for Burger Week special.

Fun Fact: Look around the restaurant for mementos from the staff, like a paycheque from an old job, antiques from the family farm, and a framed menu from Niagara Street Café.

Name: GameDay

Address: 614 College St., 647-349-9464

Slinging burgers since: November 2012

Burger Boss: Chrissy Maduri

Specialty: The Gameday Cheeseburger ($11) is a customer favourite—a juicy ground-beef patty spiced with chimichurri and topped with tomatoes, lettuce, red onions, pickles, and melted cheddar cheese on a toasted bun.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Lucky you—you get to try the GameDay Cheeseburger for just $5.

Fine Print: Closed for lunch.

Fun Fact: Over 40 wing flavours on the menu, including one called “Like a Man.” That one’s hot.

Name: The Gladstone Hotel

Address: 1214 Queen St. W., 416-531-4635

Slinging burgers since: Unverified, but the hotel is turning 125-years-old next year.

Burger Boss: Michael Smith

Specialty: The vegan taro burger ($14).

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Gladstone Burger—a beef short-rib burger with tomato marmalade, pickled red onions, lettuce, and Kozlik’s mustard. The short-rib can be substituted with a house-made vegan taro-root burger.

Fine Print: No take-out for Burger Week special. Available for lunch and dinner until 10 p.m. Limited number of taro burgers will be available each day.

Fun Fact: The hotel sold 775 Burger Week burgers last year.

Name: The Good Fork

Address: 2432 Bloor St. W., 647-352-5955

Slinging burgers since: 2011

Burger Boss: Tolga and Ali Yalcin

Specialty: The Original burger, made with hand-pressed Angus beef, and topped with crispy onions, gruyere, and rémoulade on a pretzel bun.

Their $5 Burger Week special: A grilled cheeseburger made with smoked Gouda on Fred’s ancient grain bread, and topped with shallot tarragon jam, and rémoulade.

Fun fact: Brunch is served seven days a week at The Good Fork!

Name: Habits Gastropub

Address: 928 College St., 416-533-7272

Slinging burgers since: 2011

Burger Boss: Luis Martins

Specialty: The Habits burger made with brie-stuffed fresh Ontario beef, puttanesca relish, pancetta, and house-made spicy ketchup.

Their $5 Burger Week special: A short-rib and smoked-cheddar stuffed burger with roasted citrus-beet relish on a brioche bun.

Fine print: Closed for lunch.

Fun fact: An entire wheel of brie is smoked for each batch of the current Habits burger!

Name: Hadley’s

Address: 940 College St., 416-588-3113

Slinging burgers since: 2010

Burger Boss: Eric Hadley and Lex Taman

Specialty: The house burger made with an 8-oz. patty of 100 per cent house-ground chuck topped with smoked cheddar, and homemade bacon.

Their $5 Burger Week special: A ground chuck and bacon patty with pineapple relish, smoked provolone, and wasabi mayo.

Fine print: Closed for lunch Wednesday.

Fun fact: Hadley’s was featured on You Gotta Eat Here! for their dish The Remedy that consists of poached eggs on a bed of hash, topped with pulled pork, smoked cheddar, and hollandaise.

Name: The Happy Hooker

Address: 887 Dundas St. W., 647-769-4243

Slinging burgers since: 2013

Burger Boss: Attilio Pugliese

Specialty: A double patty blue-marlin burger.

Their $5 Burger Week special: A crispy shrimp patty with lettuce, jalapenos, tomato, two strips of bacon, and tartar sauce.

Fun fact: Pugliese worked at Queen Margherita Pizza, and opened (the now closed) Tavolino.

Name: Hey Meatball

Address: 719 College St., 416-546-1483; 89 Roncesvalles Ave., 647-748-0439

Slinging burgers since: 2011

Burger Boss: Rodney Bowers

Specialty: The Burgerball made with three beef balls, special sauce, pickles, lettuce, and cheese on a sesame seed bun.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Two grass-fed beef patties topped with cheese, lettuce, tomato, and spicy special sauce on a ciabatta bun.

Fun fact: The College Street restaurant recently appeared on an episode of Guy Fieri’s Diners Drive-Ins and Dives.

Name: Hogtown Pub and Oysters

Address: 633 College St., 416-645-0285

Slinging burgers since: 2012

Burger Boss: Darryl Brown and Josh Dalton

Specialty: The Hogtown signature burger that consists of a house-made patty, topped with lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, fried onions, bacon, cheddar, barbecue sauce, and a fried egg.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Hogtown Burger Week Special—a chuck patty with truffle aioli, topped with moliterno cheese, lettuce, and tomato, wrapped up in a corn tortilla (2 per order).

Fine print: Closed for lunch.

Fun Fact: Renamed The Hogtown Pub & Oysters in 2012, the restaurant was previously known as The Auld Spot.

Name: Indie Ale House

Address: 2876 Dundas St. W., 416-760-9691

Slinging burgers since: 2012

Burger Boss: Jason Fisher

Specialty: The Smoke House Burger made with a brisket/sirloin/short-rib/chuck patty topped with smoked brisket, smoked gouda, and Old Bay mayo.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Beastiality—a brisket/sirloin/short-rib/chuck burger topped with pulled pork, adobo barbecue sauce, avocado crema, and fresh mozzarella.

Fine print: No take-out for Burger Week special. Not available after 7 p.m. on Friday or Saturday.

Fun fact: Indie Ale House is a brewery by licence, not a brewpub. Don’t call it a brewpub.

Name: Kitch Bar

Address: 229 Geary Ave., 647-350-4555

Slinging burgers since: 2012

Burger Boss: Bryan Jackson

Specialty: Nachos! Kitch has over 22 types on their menu.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Nacho Average Burger, made with a beef patty, topped with crunchy, cheesy nachos, pico de gallo, guacamole, and jalapenos.

Fine print: Closed for lunch.

Fun fact: There are 45 vintage speakers above the bar.

Name: The Lakeview

Address: 1132 Dundas St. W., 416-850-8886

Slinging burgers since: 1932

Burger Boss: Fadi Hakim, Daniel Greaves, Evan Jonsen, and Alex Sengupta

Specialty: The Lakeview’s signature burger, made with peameal, melted cheddar, grilled Portobello, and an onion ring.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Golden Handshake, made with a beef patty, topped with maple caramelized onions, lemon-chive mayo, and onion fritters, with fries, and salad with honey-balsamic vinaigrette.

Fine print: Burger Week special not available during late-night or weekend-brunch service.

Fun fact: The Lakeview started to stay open 24-hours during World War II to feed workers at the nearby Massey Ferguson factory. Also, scenes from the movie Cocktail were filmed here.

Name: Fidel Gastro’s Lisa Marie

Address: 638 Queen St. W., 647-748-6822

Slinging burgers since: 2013

Burger Boss: Matt Basile

Specialty: Lisa Marie’s house burger, The Americana, is topped with lettuce, tomato, pickle, onions, cheese, bacon, and a fried egg.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The General Wow, made with coarse ground beef topped with house-made pineapple chili ketchup and banh mi slaw.

Fine print: Burger Week special is only available for lunch Thursday, Friday, and brunch on Saturday.

Fun fact: All of Matt Basile’s three ventures pay homage to Elvis—from the bust that graces every Fidel Gastro pop-up, to a food truck named Priscilla, and now Lisa Marie (the youngest business named for the youngest Presley).

Name: Mildred’s Temple Kitchen

Address: 85 Hanna Ave., 416-588-5695

Slinging burgers since: 2008

Burger Boss: Donna Dooher

Specialty: The MTK hand-crafted burger topped with tomato relish and crispy tobacco onions, served on a pain au lait bun.

Their $5 Burger Week special: An herb and garlic burger with mushroom ragout, pecorino, arugula, and charred scallion aioli on ciabatta.

Fine print: Burger Week special not available during Saturday brunch.

Fun fact: MTK knows how to have fun. Back in 2010, Mildred’s garnered international attention for their Valentine’s Day, um… bathroom sex “promotion.”

Name: Murrays Sandwich Emporium

Address: 671 Queen St. W., 647-345-7644

Slinging burgers since: 2010

Burger Boss: Anthony Tsavdaris

Specialty: The Burgster, a 6 oz. homemade Murray burger with lettuce, tomato, and Murray mayo.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Out n’ In McBurg made with two all-beef patties, and topped with American cheese, lettuce, tomato, sautéed onions, and Murray mayo.

Fun fact: Murray’s is named after Tsavdaris’ dachshund, and the restaurant was featured on You Gotta Eat Here!

Name: Rock Lobster Food Co.

Address: 110 Ossington Ave., 416-533-1800

Slinging burgers since: December 2012

Burger Boss: Matt Dean Pettit

Specialty: This seafood and cocktail spot is best known for its famed lobster roll.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Surf & Turf—ground chuck, Old Bay seasoning, Nova Scotia lobster, lettuce, and garlic-and-lemon mayo on an egg-washed bun.

Fine print: Closed for lunch.

Fun fact: Rock Lobster first gained popularity as a vendor at the Toronto Underground Market in early 2011 and opened up an Ossington Avenue restaurant just over a year later.

Name: The Rude Boy

Address: 397 Roncesvalles Ave., 416-533-3269

Slinging burgers since: March 2013

Burger Boss: Liam Kelly

Specialty: The Rude Boy burger with house-cured peameal and bacon, garlic aioli, pickled red onions, and Blanche de Chambly mustard.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Brisket/chuck patty with house-cured tongue pastrami, bacon Thousand Island dressing, Gruyere, and Rude Boy sauerkraut.

Fun fact: The restaurant has a 1920s Curtis beer fridge they’ve nicknamed Kurtis Blow.

Name: Samuel J. Moore

Address: 1087 Queen St. W., 416-897-8348

Slinging burgers since: March 2013

Burger Boss: Alexandra Feswick

Specialty: The hand-chopped sirloin and marrow burger, with stilton, fennel catsup, and thick cut fries.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Chopped sirloin burger with beef bacon, aged cheddar, pickles, and homemade ketchup on brioche.

Fine print: Closed for lunch.

Fun fact: The restaurant is on the ground floor of the Great Hall, and it’s named after the businessman who built it in the 19th century.

Name: Shakey’s

Address: 2255 Bloor St. W., 416-767-0608

Slinging burgers since: 2010

Burger Boss: Chris Lundy

Specialty: This sports bar does a mean burger, made with organic beef from Rowe Farms.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Porchetta-style pork burger with braised bitter greens and smoked asiago “Cheese Wiz.”

Fun fact: Unusual for a sports bar, everything is made in-house, and the kitchen even puts out a good black-bean veggie burger.

Name: South St. Burger Co.

Address: 1020 Islington Ave., 416-239-8957.

Slinging burgers since: 2005

Burger Boss: Jay Gould

Specialty: Flame-grilled, made-to-order burgers using antibiotic- and hormone-free beef, which can be crowned with over 25 toppings.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Jerk Burger with jerk mayo, spicy mango salsa, creamy goat cheese, and crisp lettuce.

Fun fact: After Burger Week, South St. Burger Co. will be launching four new signature burgers: The True North, The Nacho, The Hawaiian, and Mushroom & Swiss.

Name: The Stockyards Smokehouse & Larder

Address: 699 St. Clair Ave. W., 416-658-9666.

Slinging burgers since: 2009

Burger Boss: Thomas Davis

Specialty: The place has made a name for itself for its juicy griddle-smashed burgers, fried chicken, and smoked chicken and ribs.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Chicken fried-steak burger stuffed with smoked pimento cheese, topped with gravy mayo, sausage gravy, and pickled greens.

Fine print: No reservations.

Fun fact: The smoked ribs and chicken are only available on Tuesdays, Fridays, and Sundays.

Name: This End Up

Address: 1454 Dundas St. W., 647-347-8700

Slinging burgers since: March 2012

Burger Boss: Adam Urquhart

Specialty: The place is known for its craft cocktails and sandwiches, like the Better Mac, a grilled chuck burger with special sauce, lettuce, cheddar, pickles, and sweet onions.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Grilled ground chuck, seared hickory-smoked pork belly, tomato-and-apple chutney, white cheddar, umami mayo, and arugula.

Fun fact: Vintage signs are a prominent aspect of the sandwich shop’s décor, and there’s an old Brewer’s Retail (precursor to the Beer Store) sign that was purchased from a former employee of the booze magnate.

Name: Utopia Cafe & Grill

Address: 586 College St., 416-534-7751

Slinging burgers since: April 1995

Burger Boss: Peter Tassone

Specialty: Giant half-pound burgers, as well as an impressive selection of burritos and salads.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Italian sausage and beef patty topped with mozzarella, pesto aioli, and spicy roasted red-pepper ketchup.

Fun fact: All side and back bacon is cured and smoked in house and burgers are hand pressed fresh daily.

Name: The Whippoorwill

Address: 1285 Bloor St. W., 416-530-2999

Slinging burgers since: November 2012

Burger Boss: Tyler Cunningham.

Specialty: While the restaurant resembles a throwback diner, the kitchen remains ambitious—serving dishes like Thai flank steak salads and scallop ceviche. The Whippoorwill burger, with ground prime beef and Russian dressing remains a favourite.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Top butt and brisket, steamed white cheddar, sweet sandwich mustard, garlic pickle relish, and ballpark garnishes.

Fine print: Closed for lunch Wednesday and Thursday.

Fun fact: The Whippoorwill is a sister restaurant to Ossington’s Dakota Tavern (also a Burger Week participant).

Burger Week runs May 29-June 1 at participating restaurants. On June 2, the restaurants will gather at Artscape Wychwood Barns (76 Wychwood) for Burger Day, offering all-you-can-eat sliders for $30. Click here for more information.

For the second time ever, the Toronto Zoo is hosting pandas. The two cuddly black-and-white bears—Er Shun and Da Mao—will eat shoots and leaves in northeastern Scarborough for the next five years, and will also be the subject of many panda puns. We crunched the numbers on the panda scene.

Starring Dwayne Johnson, Vin Diesel. Written by Chris Morgan. Directed by Justin Lin. PG. 130 min. Opens May 24.

Can a movie ever be too fast or too furious? The sixth instalment of our era’s hardiest street-racing action-movie franchise, Fast & Furious 6 does its best to provide an answer to that question by trumping its predecessors with a brazenness that’s weirdly gleeful. With its wild flair for excess, all-consuming love of velocity, and cheeky attitude towards its own clichés and absurdities, it somehow embraces self-parody while staying true to the series’ original mission statement. While the summer may yield better movies, it’s hard to believe any will be so much fun.

Hell, even the ever-stony features and subwoofer voice of Vin Diesel can’t conceal the prevailing tone of giddy bravado. After pulling off a $100-million heist in 2011’s Fast Five, Diesel’s Dom Toretto, Paul Walker’s Brian, and their multiracial motley crew are living large in countries with lax extradition policies. But they put the good times on hold when their federal-agent ally Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) enlists them in a scheme to foil Shaw (Luke Evans), a super-villain with his own team of speed-racing hotties, gearheads, and overly ripped musclemen.

It takes some doing for one major character’s case of amnesia to not be the plot’s most ludicrous element. (By the time we’re through with the mayhem, it’s not even in the top five.) But director Justin Lin understands that viewers will buy just about anything as long as he sells it with panache, and Fast & Furious 6 rarely lacks for showmanship.

What’s more, with its emphasis on old-school car stunts and smartly choreographed fight scenes—with Haywire’s Gina Carano and The Raid: Redemption’s Joe Taslim both being invaluable additions to the cast—the series understands a central but oft-neglected tenet for exploitation cinema, which is the need to ground the silliness in aspects of the real. However outlandish the franchise has become, its action sequences still have a visceral charge missing in the all-digital demolition derbies that fill our superhero and science-fiction spectaculars. At this rate, the seventh Fast & Furious could very well make your head explode.