Thursday: One Night Stand Gala

The Burroughes, 639 Queen St. W. $100, tickets available online or at the door. Doors at 8 p.m.

At first glance, you might think this jam is a bit too pricey. But if you’re still on the fence about donating to a certain Kickstarter fund this week, perhaps you’ll reconsider and put that money to far better use. Tonight, the Hincks-Dellcrest Centre, a non-profit children’s mental health centre, will take to the top floor of The Burroughes in a bid to raise money and awareness for their cause. Hosted by David Sutcliffe (Gilmore Girls!) and Canada’s own Natalie Brown, tickets include a full bar, snacks, a swag bag, and a $50 gift certificate to Rosewater Supper Club. With more than one in five Canadian children suffering from a mental health problem, your $100 goes toward helping over 8,000 kids “through a variety of prevention, early intervention, outpatient, and residential treatment programs.” Find out more here.

Friday: ROMic-con

Royal Ontario Museum, 100 Queen’s Park. $12 adults, $10 students, available online. Doors at 7 p.m.

I know I’ve talked your ear off about the ROM’s Friday Night Live party series, but this one feels extra special: the ROMic-con edition! (Because Toronto hasn’t felt surreal enough lately.) Tomorrow night, bust out those Wonder Woman boots or that Dark Knight cape and teleport to the land of dinosaurs for a roaring party of cute nerds. The ROM is intent on celebrating “the superstars of nature and culture,” but I have a feeling people are going to get mad creative. The itinerary: a superhero retrospective on the ROM’s big screen, lessons on creating your own comics with a cartoonist, Google+ Hangouts with ROM conservation biologists, and a Second City improv show. Find out more here. And here’s some inspiration:

Friday: Sound & Vision, a Peaches after-party

Wrongbar, 1279 Queen St. W. $8 with Peaches Does Herself InsideOut ticket stub, $14 otherwise. Doors at 10 p.m.

After the TIFF screening of her debut rock opera doc, Peaches Does Herself, the Canadian anti-songstress took over The Drake Hotel for a building-wide bash: wild costumes, trans porn stars, 65-year-old strippers, champagne in your face, etc. During the InsideOut LGBT Film Festival, the film will screen once again and—of course!—there’s an after-party. With Peaches herself jumping on the decks, the jam will also see Austra’s Katie Stelmanis spin a set alongside other treats, like members of BoylesqueTO, Toronto’s all-male burlesque revue. Find out more here.

Saturday: #CrushTO’s 1st Annual Circus Spectacular!

Club 120, 120 Church St. $10 at the door. Doors at 10 p.m.

I can’t believe it’s been an entire year since I reported on the debut of the “I’ve Got A Crush On You” series, a.k.a #CrushTO. If you’re not familiar, here’s the deal: “a flirty event series for hot, nerdy people who want to make sex-positive like-minded friends.” That means everyone’s invited to vibe out. For the big milestone, the troupe of hosts will turn Club 120 into Sexy Time Circus: daredevils, red noses, and kissing booths! Oh, and I’m spinning some tunes for the night. Find out more here.

Wednesday: Sausage League, a weekly competition

Marben, 488 Wellington St. W. $25. Doors at 5:30 p.m.

At the beginning of May, the always-A+ Marben restaurant re-launched with a new feel—a Marben 3.0, if you will, featuring a delectable menu from chef Rob Bragagnolo and a refreshed basement lounge for more relaxed meals and cocktails—and a big screen if you’re sports-ing. To cap off the month, the Wellington resto is welcoming back Sausage League, an annual competition now in its third year. Here’s the deal: On summer Wednesdays, over a dozen local chefs and butchers will represent their restaurants in a sausage showdown. With two chefs competing each week, it’s an on-site battle royal. The regular season runs until July 17, and the playoffs take us through August, and the final goes down on September 18. (The winners will receive airfare for two to Chicago, and will have their names engraved onto the Froman Cup, which will be displayed in a new Sausage League shrine.) The $25 admission gets you two sausage dishes, two Muskoka beers, and a vote. Stay tuned here.

Club: Boa Café, 25 Bellair

Years in operation: 1989-1998

History: This is a tale of two interconnected yet vastly different Toronto venues, each influential in its own way. For this article, I will be focussing on the first, Boa Café; the story of its second incarnation, Boa Redux, will be told in the next edition of Then & Now.

At the story’s centre lies Rony Hitti.

“I grew up in a family of restaurateurs and hoteliers, and was supposed to be the banker in the family,” says Hitti, who would instead become owner-operator of both Boas.

Hitti dutifully studied business finance and politics at York University, but also DJed steadily during the 1980s. He played a variety of Midtown-area clubs, and started his own DJ company, dubbed Earthquake in reference to the powerful Sensurround sound system created for the 1974 film of the same name.

“It used to shake movie theatres, and I bought one. I did pretty much all of the dances at York with that system.”

Banking didn’t work out for Hitti at the time, nor did dishwashing at his father’s restaurant. Instead, he studied culinary arts in Switzerland for a year. Upon returning, Hitti brainstormed a business plan with Charles Khabouth; the two Lebanese-Canadians had become friends as Hitti spent much time at Khabouth’s trendsetting Stilife nightclub.

“Charles and I were really close. We hung out, and traveled together. On a trip to Montreal, we went to a place called Lola’s Paradise. Lola’s was fine dining with that really cool Montreal vibe. We thought Toronto could use something like it.

“Back then, last call was 1 a.m. and, inevitably at that time, everybody was looking for something to do. The only places to go were in Chinatown, for bad Chinese food, or Bemelmans on Bloor. We realized that the city needed a funky late-night dining spot that catered to a Stilife-like crowd.”

Initially 50/50 partners, the men envisioned a chic, but relaxed social spot that would serve quality food and drinks from noon until late night, five days a week. They looked to Yorkville for the location, and found 25 Bellair, formerly a daytime coffee shop. Five steps down from the sidewalk, but with a sizable window looking out at street level, the location was one long, narrow room that Hitti and Khabouth would greatly re-design.

“Yorkville was very much ’80s yuppie central,” Hitti recounts. “We wanted to bring Queen Street cool to Yorkville glam.”

Boa Café opened in October of 1989. There was nothing understated about it.

From the October, 28, 1989 edition of the Toronto Star

Why it was important: Although Boa Café only seated 40, it had “the instant distinction of being the trendiest place in Toronto,” wrote the Toronto Star’s Christopher Hume in an appreciative review dated October 28, 1989.

Boa became one of this city’s most coveted social spots thanks to a confluence of key elements and people. It certainly was an eye-popping location, whether one chose to hang out by day—magazines, chess, and backgammon were all on offer—or night.

“There was nothing like Boa in the city at that time,” says early staffer Marcos Durian, then also a production assistant in both film and still photography. “It was a small space with incredible design that drew the masses from early afternoon to the break of dawn. Boa may have been in Yorkville, but it was so un-Yorkville.”

The aesthetic of Boa’s 1,200 square feet was largely imagined by Rony’s cousins Gregory and Alexander Gatserelia, together known as Gatserelia Design. Artist Kenny Baird, who had created installations and core elements for many clubs in the U.S. and Canada (including Khabouth’s Stilife), contributed Boa’s signature mosaic tiling, which covered much of the space.

“This was the ’80s, when it was the more detail the better,” chuckles Hitti. “Every single inch of it was designed, including the washrooms. The look of it was very whimsical; Gregory’s description was ‘It’s Antoni Gaudi meets Cocteau.’”

A bar ran the length of Boa’s room, with benches by the entrance and rows of tables filling the floor space.

“Boa packed a heavy visual punch,” says Durian. “It was dark and intimate, with warm lighting fixtures, specially treated sinuous metal, and a copper-bar top. An intricate, colourful, serpentine mosaic stretched across the floor and south wall from the front door to the restrooms in the back. A curved sheet-metal sculpture hung from the ceiling. The walls were a sponged dark brown with one gold-leaf wall that curved, like the contours of a snake behind the bar. Hence ‘Boa,’ as in the snake.”

But it wasn’t just Boa’s aesthetic details that attracted patrons; it was also the energy, talents, and youth of the Café’s early staff. Most were already friends, or became connected as patrons of Boa. Durian hung out before being hired as a waiter and bartender because his pal Thomas Koonings worked there in the same role. Both became super tight with Mark Bacci, a teenager who grew to become a star chef at Boa Café after Hitti showed him the ropes.

“Mark could not break an egg at the outset, but had an incredible palate,” says Hitti.

“I learned to cook from Rony in the early days,” agrees Bacci. “I was a natural at it, but he showed me a lot.”

Also central was Bassam “Sam” Nicolas, who had worked for Hitti’s parents for a decade prior to becoming Rony’s “right-hand man” and general manager at Boa. Hitti gives credit as well to “all-star waitresses” Rebecca Shafrir and Sacha Grierson, both of whom became part of the Boa team while still in university.

“Mostly, we didn’t feel like we were working,” says Shafrir by email, echoing a common sentiment. “It was rather like we were having fun in our own very edgy salon.”

All of these people personified Boa Café during its first year, a year that Hitti actually describes as “very difficult, business-wise” for himself and partner Khabouth.

“We lost our shirts, and Charles was starting to experience problems at Stilife because of Oceans [the club’s adjoined restaurant],” states Hitti. “The relationship went sour between the two of us, and we decided to go our separate ways.

“That’s when Boa became my baby. I made the food more dining, and less café-ish. I also decided to bring in some of the sound equipment from my house for the music, place a DJ behind the bar, and turn it into more of a party venue. It worked.”

No matter the hour, if Boa was open, so was its kitchen. Many describe the Café’s food in loving detail. (“There were chicken sandwiches with aioli to die for, the best tomato spaghetti by Mark Bacci, and a yellow plum tomato salad that no other fine dining restaurant could better,” writes Shafrir.)

“It was a small, eclectic menu with French, Italian, and Middle Eastern influences,” says Durian. “Mark Bacci was a one-man show, with two hot plates and a convection oven. I don’t know how we serviced all those people with the small work space and tools at our disposal.”

So too grew Boa’s focus on music. It had been integral from day one, as Hitti and DJs from Stilife provided funky mixtapes of soul, rare groove, deep disco, and early house, but the Café became more synonymous with its sounds after Hitti placed his turntables behind Boa’s bar.

“Boa was the first bar/restaurant in Toronto to incorporate a DJ at all times,” he claims.

At first, all of Boa’s staff took turns behind the decks, with Stilife DJs including Chris Klaodatos stepping in to play occasional late-night parties for which the tables and chairs would be pushed aside. Boa also hosted art exhibits, film-festival parties, fashion shows, and other events. The late night crowds began to swell.

“Boa was like the cool people’s secret,” recalls Shafrir, who left after her first summer to continue studies. (She is now a Trade Commissioner for the Government of Canada, working in Tel Aviv.)

“It was small, and from the street no one could guess it was the place to be,” she adds. “Yorkville was flashy and fake; Boa was the real deal. It had a crowd of regulars who kept it alive. It was a rather underground, artsy vibe.”

“Boa blew up at night, into this after-hours scene,” describes Bacci. “Everyone from the industry found themself at Boa. It was like this underground hub of what was cool in the city. It wasn’t a boozecan; people actually came to hang out, eat, and drink. Every top chef went, along with restaurant owners and workers. We would throw parties once a month that became an insane night, spilling out onto the streets of Bellair. Cops never bothered us—because they were customers, and because the food was so good that it just wasn’t that kind of place.

“Because of Boa, and the fact that everyone came there, a 17-year-old [like myself at the time] got reservations at top restaurants in the city on a last-minute call, or just by walking in.”

Kenny Baird’s signature mosaic tiling, as featured in the Oct. 1991 edition of Interior Design magazine.
(Courtesy of INK Entertainment.)

Occasional parties gave rise to DJs on Boa’s decks Thursdays through Saturdays, when the Café would be open as late as 5 or 6 a.m. Boa became the late-night hangout for a huge range of people.

“It all happened very organically,” says Hitti. “We didn’t decide to become a boozecan; we were open late, serving food, and once in a while we’d have friends come in. They would get their ‘cold tea,’ and slowly but surely, the circle of friends became bigger and bigger. We basically became the hangout for everyone from politicians to crown attorneys, senior cops, very wealthy people, and at the same time even some of the biggest drug dealers in the city. The cross-section was amazing.”

“Boa was a kind of enigma where it wasn’t a club, a full-blown restaurant or a bar, yet it managed to be all these things and more in one night,” describes Durian. “Boa had a myriad of identities, which changed by the hour and by the clientele. You couldn’t cast half the people that came in.

“It was a melting pot, a mash up from every aspect and genre of nightlife in the city, especially on the weekends. You had the Stilife crowd, the Go-Go mob, everyone that worked at the clubs, bars, and restaurants. You had city brass, weekend warriors, pro athletes, hip-hop artists, the gays, the fashionistas, actors, producers, those looking for fame, and those just looking for a good time. You had nobodies, freaks and geeks, the rich and the not rich of all races. There was no end to the diversity that walked through that door.”

Durian, who left Boa in 1992 to study film in London and then New York (he’s now a Los Angeles-based director and cinematographer), mentions visits from the likes of Ben Kingsley, Lennox Lewis, Kid ‘n Play, and members of both the Toronto Maple Leafs and Blue Jays.

“When the Blue Jays won the World Series [in 1992, 1993], we were the place they came to celebrate,” confirms Hitti. “Boa was one of, if not the only place, you could find Galen Weston sitting adjacent to [later murdered] mob enforcer Eddie ‘Hurricane’ Melo, sitting next to a bevy a models, next to Queen Street types, next to other socialites and low lives all in perfect harmony. We operated on a face-and-attitude door policy: We either knew you, or you were cool enough to get in. It wasn’t about money. It wasn’t about being famous.” (Interior photos of Boa Cafe are rare; as Hitti admits, ”We didn’t allow cameras in there, for obvious reasons.”)

A young Susur Lee is reported to have been a Boa regular, as were owners of restaurants including Rodneyʼs Oyster House, Splendido, and Centro. A new generation of club and restaurant promoters and owners (or owners-to-be) also hung out, including the Assoon brothers (Twilight Zone), Edney Hendrickson (Octopus Lounge), and Leslie Ng and Byron Dill (Kubo DX and more).

Dill, in fact, was such a regular at Boa, he later joined the staff as a bartender and event promoter.

“Byron brought that very Queen Streetish crowd vibe,” Hitti admits. “He and his friends helped make Boa Café what it was in a lot of ways.”

Bacci, in turn, credits Hitti with connecting scenes and communities.

“Yorkville was dud central at the time, [full of] dated places,” says Bacci. “It was like what Rony did in its own strange way harkened back to the Yorkville of the 1960s, like when Joso’s was just a place to drink. Boa somehow became the centre of the universe for the downtown scene. You felt like you were a part of something [that was] almost before its time for the city.”

Like friends Durian and Thomas Koonings, Bacci left Boa in the early ’90s. He moved on to cook at restaurants including Left Bank and 80 Scollard, before re-locating to New York for film school. He’s made his way as a U.S.-based actor, writer, and director ever since, maintaining ties to both Boa and Toronto. And though he and his family split time between L.A. and Hawaii, Bacci co-owns a number of Toronto restaurants, including the Lil Baci locations. (Durian has served as Director of Photography on all of Bacci’s films.)

Food remained very much a focus at Boa long after Bacci’s departure, but its DJs and late-night dancing continued to grow in popularity. After DJ Chris Klaodatos left as resident, Energy 108’s DJ Fran stepped in as Boa’s main weekend spinner from 1993 to 1996, with DJ Radamés Nieves blending Latin and Afro beats on Thursdays and occasional Fridays.

For a six-month-period of Saturdays in 1996, Fran was also joined by Hedley Jones a.k.a. Deadly Hedley, a CFNY and Klub Max alumni who, by then, also worked for Energy 108. Fran and Hedley’s popular live-to-air from Boa Café ended abruptly when Fran was found dead one Sunday morning, after he’d left the party. (Jones is now based in Los Angeles where he works as a photographer.)

“In a way, a bit of the spirit of Boa went out with Fran,” says Hitti. “It was a very close-knit group.”

The Boa bar, as featured in the Oct. 1991 edition of Interior Design magazine. (Courtesy of INK Entertainment.)

What happened to it: By 1996, Boa Café was so busy that a second room was added, doubling the venue’s square footage and creating a designated dancefloor. Many hundreds of people would come through on weekends, packed in “like sardines,” according to Hitti.

“If one person danced, everybody danced. People would dance on tables and chairs, they’d dance on the bar, there were people having sex. It was absolute debauchery.”

That said, Boa didn’t receive a lot of police attention.

“I would get raided twice a year, and the charges would disappear,” shares Hitti. “Everybody thought that I was paying off half the city. I never paid anyone a single dime, but I kept good relations with everybody, and I guess people thought, ‘Why not? The place doesn’t have any problems.’ There was no overt drug dealing, everybody was having fun, and it was a discreet venue in Yorkville. It kind of took on a life of its own.”

But Hitti acknowledges, “It got to the point where the place was so busy that eventually this was its downfall.

“Literally, people would get off a plane at 1 a.m., ask where they could get a drink, and taxi drivers would bring them down. People would show up at the door, and many would be told they could not come in. We had just one doorman, Larry Trump; he could handle all those crowds by himself.

“One night in 1996, Larry told some guys they could not come in. I was called over, and said the same. One of them looked at me and said, ‘I’ll come back and spray the place.’ He went to his car in the parking lot, pulled out a machine gun, and shot seven bullets through the window. We had two of those incidents, and that’s largely what motivated me not to renew the lease in the end. Both times when it happened, the place was packed and bullets literally flew over everybody’s heads. Nobody got hurt. Twice lucky, we weren’t going to risk a third time.”

By 1998, when Hitti’s lease at 25 Bellair came up for renewal, he also owned businesses including Brasserie Zola (“a very bourgeois French restaurant”), Winston’s (“probably the highest-rated fine-dining restaurant in the city [at the time]”), and Turkish Bath, the member’s-only nightclub beneath it.

“My name was associated with being a chef, and owner of fine dining establishments,” Hitti concludes. “The last thing I wanted was my name in the newspaper associated with a shooting.”

The lower level of 25 Bellair is now home to Vaticano Restaurant.

The story of Boa continues in the next edition of Then & Now, when I revisit the club’s resurrection in the early 2000s as after-hours dance club Boa Redux on Spadina.

Thank-you to participants Mark Bacci, Marcos Durian, Rebecca Shafrir, and Rony Hitti, as well as to Hedley Jones and Thomas Koonings.

To date, Then & Now has explored the stories of more than 35 influential clubs. Read this ongoing series, devoted to Toronto nightlife history, here at The Grid and join the conversation at Denise Benson’s related Facebook page.

You can also join Denise this Saturday (May 25) at 3 p.m., when she’ll be speaking about Toronto club culture at the City Hall Rotunda as part of Doors Open. Details can be found here.

Green = Vegetarian option

Blue = seafood option

Name: Barque Smokehouse

Address: 299 Roncesvalles Ave., 416-532-7700

Slinging burgers since: April 2011

Burger Boss: David Neinstein

Specialty: Smoked brisket burger with candied smoked bacon and cheddar, and a side of corn, salad, fries, or soup ($14) available during lunch.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Smoked “ham burger” (pulled pork burger) with tomatoes, arugula, aged cheddar, and spicy tomato jam.

Fun Fact: The mouthwatering brisket takes 12 hours to cook in the restaurant’s 500-pound smoker.

Name: The Beet

Address: 2945 Dundas St. W., 416-916-2368

Slinging burgers since: February 2008

Burger Bosses: Erin Martin, Kahle Flaherty, David Cousins, and Stuart Vaughan

Specialty: Delectable organic fare, with lots of veggie and meat-centric options.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Spiced lamb kofta burger with yogurt cheese, spicy tomato jam, and cucumber on a sesame kamut bun

Fine print: No substitutions or take-out for Burger Week special, and no reservations.

Fun Fact: One of the kid’s meals here is called the “Beet box.” So punny!

Name: BQM

Address: 210 Ossington Ave., 416-850-1919

Slinging burgers since: Fall 2008

Burger Boss: Chris Horvath

Specialty: Though all the burgers at this joint are delicious, first-timers should go with the namesake BQM burger ($8 to $12) with carmelized onions, horseradish, and garlic aioli.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Freshly ground chuck patty with grilled pineapple, jalapeno, and curry aioli, lettuce, and tomato.

Fine print: Burger Week special is available between noon and 4 p.m. only, and is not available for take-out.

Fun Fact: On the regular menu, diners can choose whether their patty is made from the chuck, brisket, or sirloin. Those with gluten allergies can opt for their burgers to be wrapped in lettuce in lieu of a bun.

Name: The Caledonian

Address: 856 College St., 416-547-9827

Slinging burgers since: October 2010

Burger Boss: Sara Phillips

Specialty: The half-pound Caley Burger with red onion, tomato, Kosher dill pickle, and chips ($12).

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Highland Haggis Burger—traditional Scottish haggis burger topped with caramelized onions and whisky cheese sauce.

Fine Print: Burger Week special is only available during dinner, and is not available for take-out.

Fun Fact: Show up to the pub in a kilt during Burger Week at the city’s only Scottish Public House and Whisky Bar and get a free dram (whisky sample).

Name: The Dakota Tavern

Address: 249 Ossington Ave., 416-850-4579

Slinging burgers since: December 2006

Burger Boss: Mike Cross

Specialty: The Dakota Burger ($11) with a massive 8-oz. patty.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Dakota Daddy Burger—brisket/hanger steak/chuck blend with grilled Vidalia onion, cheddar, lettuce, tomato, house-made pickle, and chipotle mayo.

Fine Print: Closed for lunch.

Fun Fact: CMT films a concert series (aptly called The Dakota Sessions) at this intimate concert venue that has featured artists like Ron Sexsmith and Gord Downie.

Name: Dave’s on St. Clair

Address: 730 St. Clair Ave. W., 416-657-3283

Slinging burgers since: November 2010

Burger Boss: Liz Guerrier

Specialty: Dave’s Burger—house-ground beef chuck with house-made tomato jam, aioli, arugula, cheddar, and crispy onions on a homemade potato bun with fries ($12).

Their $5 Burger Week special: Ground beef patty with arugula, horseradish aioli, home-made pickles, and shaved red onion on a house-made potato bun.

Fine Print: Closed for lunch Wednesday and Thursday. Burger Week special is not available for take-out.

Fun Fact: Dave’s not here, man. The restaurant is actually named after the previous tenant, Dave’s Gourmet Pizza.

Name: Emma’s Country Kitchen

Address: 1108 St. Clair Ave. W., 416-652-3662

Slinging burgers since: July 2012

Burger Boss: Rachel Pellett

Specialty: The “I know what you did last night burger”—available on the weekend brunch menu—is a house-made sage-and-onion sausage burger topped with cheddar, bacon, lettuce, tomato, onions, ketchup, and garlic mayo on a house-made bun.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Corn-and-chickpea Burger—a crispy corn and chickpea fritter with lemon-basil mayo, shaved cucumber, pickled red onion, and baby arugula.

Fine Print: Burger Week special is available for lunch only.

Fun Fact: The restaurant will also be serving burger donuts ($3), as seen on Donut Showdown, on June 1.

Name: The Emerson

Address: 1279 Bloor St. W., 416-532-1717

Slinging burgers since: November 2012

Burger Boss: Kyle Kadas

Specialty: The namesake burger ($12). It’s a brisket/chuck/ribeye patty with Beemster cheese sauce, caramelized onions, garlic aioli, lettuce, tomato, and a Kosher pickle.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Lucky you—they’re serving the deliciously gooey Emerson Burger for only $5.

Fine Print: Closed for lunch. And no take-out for Burger Week special.

Fun Fact: Look around the restaurant for mementos from the staff, like a paycheque from an old job, antiques from the family farm, and a framed menu from Niagara Street Café.

Name: GameDay

Address: 614 College St., 647-349-9464

Slinging burgers since: November 2012

Burger Boss: Chrissy Maduri

Specialty: The Gameday Cheeseburger ($11) is a customer favourite—a juicy ground-beef patty spiced with chimichurri and topped with tomatoes, lettuce, red onions, pickles, and melted cheddar cheese on a toasted bun.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Lucky you—you get to try the GameDay Cheeseburger for just $5.

Fine Print: Closed for lunch.

Fun Fact: Over 40 wing flavours on the menu, including one called “Like a Man.” That one’s hot.

Name: The Gladstone Hotel

Address: 1214 Queen St. W., 416-531-4635

Slinging burgers since: Unverified, but the hotel is turning 125-years-old next year.

Burger Boss: Michael Smith

Specialty: The vegan taro burger ($14).

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Gladstone Burger—a beef short-rib burger with tomato marmalade, pickled red onions, lettuce, and Kozlik’s mustard. The short-rib can be substituted with a house-made vegan taro-root burger.

Fine Print: No take-out for Burger Week special. Available for lunch and dinner until 10 p.m. Limited number of taro burgers will be available each day.

Fun Fact: The hotel sold 775 Burger Week burgers last year.

Name: The Good Fork

Address: 2432 Bloor St. W., 647-352-5955

Slinging burgers since: 2011

Burger Boss: Tolga and Ali Yalcin

Specialty: The Original burger, made with hand-pressed Angus beef, and topped with crispy onions, gruyere, and rémoulade on a pretzel bun.

Their $5 Burger Week special: A grilled cheeseburger made with smoked Gouda on Fred’s ancient grain bread, and topped with shallot tarragon jam, and rémoulade.

Fun fact: Brunch is served seven days a week at The Good Fork!

Name: Habits Gastropub

Address: 928 College St., 416-533-7272

Slinging burgers since: 2011

Burger Boss: Luis Martins

Specialty: The Habits burger made with brie-stuffed fresh Ontario beef, puttanesca relish, pancetta, and house-made spicy ketchup.

Their $5 Burger Week special: A short-rib and smoked-cheddar stuffed burger with roasted citrus-beet relish on a brioche bun.

Fine print: Closed for lunch.

Fun fact: An entire wheel of brie is smoked for each batch of the current Habits burger!

Name: Hadley’s

Address: 940 College St., 416-588-3113

Slinging burgers since: 2010

Burger Boss: Eric Hadley and Lex Taman

Specialty: The house burger made with an 8-oz. patty of 100 per cent house-ground chuck topped with smoked cheddar, and homemade bacon.

Their $5 Burger Week special: A ground chuck and bacon patty with pineapple relish, smoked provolone, and wasabi mayo.

Fine print: Closed for lunch Wednesday.

Fun fact: Hadley’s was featured on You Gotta Eat Here! for their dish The Remedy that consists of poached eggs on a bed of hash, topped with pulled pork, smoked cheddar, and hollandaise.

Name: The Happy Hooker

Address: 887 Dundas St. W., 647-769-4243

Slinging burgers since: 2013

Burger Boss: Attilio Pugliese

Specialty: A double patty blue-marlin burger.

Their $5 Burger Week special: A crispy shrimp patty with lettuce, jalapenos, tomato, two strips of bacon, and tartar sauce.

Fun fact: Pugliese worked at Queen Margherita Pizza, and opened (the now closed) Tavolino.

Name: Hey Meatball

Address: 719 College St., 416-546-1483; 89 Roncesvalles Ave., 647-748-0439

Slinging burgers since: 2011

Burger Boss: Rodney Bowers

Specialty: The Burgerball made with three beef balls, special sauce, pickles, lettuce, and cheese on a sesame seed bun.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Two grass-fed beef patties topped with cheese, lettuce, tomato, and spicy special sauce on a ciabatta bun.

Fun fact: The College Street restaurant recently appeared on an episode of Guy Fieri’s Diners Drive-Ins and Dives.

Name: Hogtown Pub and Oysters

Address: 633 College St., 416-645-0285

Slinging burgers since: 2012

Burger Boss: Darryl Brown and Josh Dalton

Specialty: The Hogtown signature burger that consists of a house-made patty, topped with lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, fried onions, bacon, cheddar, barbecue sauce, and a fried egg.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Hogtown Burger Week Special—a chuck patty with truffle aioli, topped with moliterno cheese, lettuce, and tomato, wrapped up in a corn tortilla (2 per order).

Fine print: Closed for lunch.

Fun Fact: Renamed The Hogtown Pub & Oysters in 2012, the restaurant was previously known as The Auld Spot.

Name: Indie Ale House

Address: 2876 Dundas St. W., 416-760-9691

Slinging burgers since: 2012

Burger Boss: Jason Fisher

Specialty: The Smoke House Burger made with a brisket/sirloin/short-rib/chuck patty topped with smoked brisket, smoked gouda, and Old Bay mayo.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Beastiality—a brisket/sirloin/short-rib/chuck burger topped with pulled pork, adobo barbecue sauce, avocado crema, and fresh mozzarella.

Fine print: No take-out for Burger Week special. Not available after 7 p.m. on Friday or Saturday.

Fun fact: Indie Ale House is a brewery by licence, not a brewpub. Don’t call it a brewpub.

Name: Kitch Bar

Address: 229 Geary Ave., 647-350-4555

Slinging burgers since: 2012

Burger Boss: Bryan Jackson

Specialty: Nachos! Kitch has over 22 types on their menu.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Nacho Average Burger, made with a beef patty, topped with crunchy, cheesy nachos, pico de gallo, guacamole, and jalapenos.

Fine print: Closed for lunch.

Fun fact: There are 45 vintage speakers above the bar.

Name: The Lakeview

Address: 1132 Dundas St. W., 416-850-8886

Slinging burgers since: 1932

Burger Boss: Fadi Hakim, Daniel Greaves, Evan Jonsen, and Alex Sengupta

Specialty: The Lakeview’s signature burger, made with peameal, melted cheddar, grilled Portobello, and an onion ring.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Golden Handshake, made with a beef patty, topped with maple caramelized onions, lemon-chive mayo, and onion fritters, with fries, and salad with honey-balsamic vinaigrette.

Fine print: Burger Week special not available during late-night or weekend-brunch service.

Fun fact: The Lakeview started to stay open 24-hours during World War II to feed workers at the nearby Massey Ferguson factory. Also, scenes from the movie Cocktail were filmed here.

Name: Fidel Gastro’s Lisa Marie

Address: 638 Queen St. W., 647-748-6822

Slinging burgers since: 2013

Burger Boss: Matt Basile

Specialty: Lisa Marie’s house burger, The Americana, is topped with lettuce, tomato, pickle, onions, cheese, bacon, and a fried egg.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The General Wow, made with coarse ground beef topped with house-made pineapple chili ketchup and banh mi slaw.

Fine print: Burger Week special is only available for lunch Thursday, Friday, and brunch on Saturday.

Fun fact: All of Matt Basile’s three ventures pay homage to Elvis—from the bust that graces every Fidel Gastro pop-up, to a food truck named Priscilla, and now Lisa Marie (the youngest business named for the youngest Presley).

Name: Mildred’s Temple Kitchen

Address: 85 Hanna Ave., 416-588-5695

Slinging burgers since: 2008

Burger Boss: Donna Dooher

Specialty: The MTK hand-crafted burger topped with tomato relish and crispy tobacco onions, served on a pain au lait bun.

Their $5 Burger Week special: An herb and garlic burger with mushroom ragout, pecorino, arugula, and charred scallion aioli on ciabatta.

Fine print: Burger Week special not available during Saturday brunch.

Fun fact: MTK knows how to have fun. Back in 2010, Mildred’s garnered international attention for their Valentine’s Day, um… bathroom sex “promotion.”

Name: Murrays Sandwich Emporium

Address: 671 Queen St. W., 647-345-7644

Slinging burgers since: 2010

Burger Boss: Anthony Tsavdaris

Specialty: The Burgster, a 6 oz. homemade Murray burger with lettuce, tomato, and Murray mayo.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Out n’ In McBurg made with two all-beef patties, and topped with American cheese, lettuce, tomato, sautéed onions, and Murray mayo.

Fun fact: Murray’s is named after Tsavdaris’ dachshund, and the restaurant was featured on You Gotta Eat Here!

Name: Rock Lobster Food Co.

Address: 110 Ossington Ave., 416-533-1800

Slinging burgers since: December 2012

Burger Boss: Matt Dean Pettit

Specialty: This seafood and cocktail spot is best known for its famed lobster roll.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Surf & Turf—ground chuck, Old Bay seasoning, Nova Scotia lobster, lettuce, and garlic-and-lemon mayo on an egg-washed bun.

Fine print: Closed for lunch.

Fun fact: Rock Lobster first gained popularity as a vendor at the Toronto Underground Market in early 2011 and opened up an Ossington Avenue restaurant just over a year later.

Name: The Rude Boy

Address: 397 Roncesvalles Ave., 416-533-3269

Slinging burgers since: March 2013

Burger Boss: Liam Kelly

Specialty: The Rude Boy burger with house-cured peameal and bacon, garlic aioli, pickled red onions, and Blanche de Chambly mustard.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Brisket/chuck patty with house-cured tongue pastrami, bacon Thousand Island dressing, Gruyere, and Rude Boy sauerkraut.

Fun fact: The restaurant has a 1920s Curtis beer fridge they’ve nicknamed Kurtis Blow.

Name: Samuel J. Moore

Address: 1087 Queen St. W., 416-897-8348

Slinging burgers since: March 2013

Burger Boss: Alexandra Feswick

Specialty: The hand-chopped sirloin and marrow burger, with stilton, fennel catsup, and thick cut fries.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Chopped sirloin burger with beef bacon, aged cheddar, pickles, and homemade ketchup on brioche.

Fine print: Closed for lunch.

Fun fact: The restaurant is on the ground floor of the Great Hall, and it’s named after the businessman who built it in the 19th century.

Name: Shakey’s

Address: 2255 Bloor St. W., 416-767-0608

Slinging burgers since: 2010

Burger Boss: Chris Lundy

Specialty: This sports bar does a mean burger, made with organic beef from Rowe Farms.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Porchetta-style pork burger with braised bitter greens and smoked asiago “Cheese Wiz.”

Fun fact: Unusual for a sports bar, everything is made in-house, and the kitchen even puts out a good black-bean veggie burger.

Name: South St. Burger Co.

Address: 1020 Islington Ave., 416-239-8957.

Slinging burgers since: 2005

Burger Boss: Jay Gould

Specialty: Flame-grilled, made-to-order burgers using antibiotic- and hormone-free beef, which can be crowned with over 25 toppings.

Their $5 Burger Week special: The Jerk Burger with jerk mayo, spicy mango salsa, creamy goat cheese, and crisp lettuce.

Fun fact: After Burger Week, South St. Burger Co. will be launching four new signature burgers: The True North, The Nacho, The Hawaiian, and Mushroom & Swiss.

Name: The Stockyards Smokehouse & Larder

Address: 699 St. Clair Ave. W., 416-658-9666.

Slinging burgers since: 2009

Burger Boss: Thomas Davis

Specialty: The place has made a name for itself for its juicy griddle-smashed burgers, fried chicken, and smoked chicken and ribs.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Chicken fried-steak burger stuffed with smoked pimento cheese, topped with gravy mayo, sausage gravy, and pickled greens.

Fine print: No reservations.

Fun fact: The smoked ribs and chicken are only available on Tuesdays, Fridays, and Sundays.

Name: This End Up

Address: 1454 Dundas St. W., 647-347-8700

Slinging burgers since: March 2012

Burger Boss: Adam Urquhart

Specialty: The place is known for its craft cocktails and sandwiches, like the Better Mac, a grilled chuck burger with special sauce, lettuce, cheddar, pickles, and sweet onions.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Grilled ground chuck, seared hickory-smoked pork belly, tomato-and-apple chutney, white cheddar, umami mayo, and arugula.

Fun fact: Vintage signs are a prominent aspect of the sandwich shop’s décor, and there’s an old Brewer’s Retail (precursor to the Beer Store) sign that was purchased from a former employee of the booze magnate.

Name: Utopia Cafe & Grill

Address: 586 College St., 416-534-7751

Slinging burgers since: April 1995

Burger Boss: Peter Tassone

Specialty: Giant half-pound burgers, as well as an impressive selection of burritos and salads.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Italian sausage and beef patty topped with mozzarella, pesto aioli, and spicy roasted red-pepper ketchup.

Fun fact: All side and back bacon is cured and smoked in house and burgers are hand pressed fresh daily.

Name: The Whippoorwill

Address: 1285 Bloor St. W., 416-530-2999

Slinging burgers since: November 2012

Burger Boss: Tyler Cunningham.

Specialty: While the restaurant resembles a throwback diner, the kitchen remains ambitious—serving dishes like Thai flank steak salads and scallop ceviche. The Whippoorwill burger, with ground prime beef and Russian dressing remains a favourite.

Their $5 Burger Week special: Top butt and brisket, steamed white cheddar, sweet sandwich mustard, garlic pickle relish, and ballpark garnishes.

Fine print: Closed for lunch Wednesday and Thursday.

Fun fact: The Whippoorwill is a sister restaurant to Ossington’s Dakota Tavern (also a Burger Week participant).

Burger Week runs May 29-June 1 at participating restaurants. On June 2, the restaurants will gather at Artscape Wychwood Barns (76 Wychwood) for Burger Day, offering all-you-can-eat sliders for $30. Click here for more information.

For the second time ever, the Toronto Zoo is hosting pandas. The two cuddly black-and-white bears—Er Shun and Da Mao—will eat shoots and leaves in northeastern Scarborough for the next five years, and will also be the subject of many panda puns. We crunched the numbers on the panda scene.

Starring Dwayne Johnson, Vin Diesel. Written by Chris Morgan. Directed by Justin Lin. PG. 130 min. Opens May 24.

Can a movie ever be too fast or too furious? The sixth instalment of our era’s hardiest street-racing action-movie franchise, Fast & Furious 6 does its best to provide an answer to that question by trumping its predecessors with a brazenness that’s weirdly gleeful. With its wild flair for excess, all-consuming love of velocity, and cheeky attitude towards its own clichés and absurdities, it somehow embraces self-parody while staying true to the series’ original mission statement. While the summer may yield better movies, it’s hard to believe any will be so much fun.

Hell, even the ever-stony features and subwoofer voice of Vin Diesel can’t conceal the prevailing tone of giddy bravado. After pulling off a $100-million heist in 2011’s Fast Five, Diesel’s Dom Toretto, Paul Walker’s Brian, and their multiracial motley crew are living large in countries with lax extradition policies. But they put the good times on hold when their federal-agent ally Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) enlists them in a scheme to foil Shaw (Luke Evans), a super-villain with his own team of speed-racing hotties, gearheads, and overly ripped musclemen.

It takes some doing for one major character’s case of amnesia to not be the plot’s most ludicrous element. (By the time we’re through with the mayhem, it’s not even in the top five.) But director Justin Lin understands that viewers will buy just about anything as long as he sells it with panache, and Fast & Furious 6 rarely lacks for showmanship.

What’s more, with its emphasis on old-school car stunts and smartly choreographed fight scenes—with Haywire’s Gina Carano and The Raid: Redemption’s Joe Taslim both being invaluable additions to the cast—the series understands a central but oft-neglected tenet for exploitation cinema, which is the need to ground the silliness in aspects of the real. However outlandish the franchise has become, its action sequences still have a visceral charge missing in the all-digital demolition derbies that fill our superhero and science-fiction spectaculars. At this rate, the seventh Fast & Furious could very well make your head explode.

Terminus was the wind beneath the reviewers’ wings this past season. The surreal Irish play, involving vicious lesbians, wormy demons and a classic Bette Midler song, has won four prizes from the Toronto Theatre Critics Awards. The show, presented by Outside the March and Mirvish Productions, was named Best Production of 2012-13, and also picked up citations for Best Director (Mitchell Cushman), Best Design (Nicholas Blais) and Best International Play for Dublin playwright Mark O’Rowe. Originally staged at SummerWorks, Terminus was remounted at the Royal Alexandra Theatre to open the inaugural Off-Mirvish season.

The third annual awards, given by the critics of Toronto’s major daily and weekly publications, were announced Thursday. The TTCA for Best Canadian Play went to This is War, Hannah Moscovitch’s complex drama about stressed-out Canadian soldiers in Afghanistan, which premiered at Tarragon Theatre. The touring version of Broadway mega-hit The Book of Mormon was crowned Best Musical Production. The directors of that cheekily irreverent show, Casey Nicholaw and Trey Parker, took the musical-direction prize.

Stuart Hughes was deemed Best Actor for his powerful performance as John Proctor in Soulpepper’s revival of Arthur Miller’s The Crucible. Michelle Monteith won Best Actress for her chilling portrayal of a damaged young woman in another Moscovitch play, Little One, also at Tarragon. The ubiquitous Maev Beaty got the Best Supporting Actress nod for her turn as a loose-cannon MP in Michael Healey’s controversial Harper-government satire, Proud. Alon Nashman was awarded Best Supporting Actor for ringing new changes on the stereotypical role of the funny gay friend in Canadian Stage’s THIS.

In the musical category, Bruce Dow was dubbed Best Actor for his fearless performance as super-freak Leigh Bowery in Ecce Homo’s Of a Monstrous Child: A Gaga Musical. Bree Greig won for Best Actress for Do You Want What I Have Got? A Craigslist Cantata, seen at Factory Theatre. Supporting awards went to Darrin Baker as the love-struck psychiatrist in Acting Up Stage Company’s Falsettos and Bryn McAuley as a deliciously flaky Little Red Riding Hood in the Ross Petty panto, Snow White.

The TTCAs are chosen by a panel consisting of Richard Ouzounian (Toronto Star), J. Kelly Nestruck (The Globe and Mail), Robert Cushman (National Post), Glenn Sumi (NOW) and yours truly, representing The Grid. This year, the critics considered shows that opened between June 2012 and May 2013. During deliberations, jurors who had a conflict of interest with an eligible production were not allowed to nominate or vote for it, except in the case of a tie. An awards ceremony at The Spoke Club (600 King St. West) will be held at a later date.

Contest closes May 29, 2013 at 11:59 p.m.

Contest ends May 29, 2013 at 11:59 p.m.

At 5:45 on a Tuesday evening in April, the staff of the Drake Hotel is busy preparing for the night’s fundraiser—an event called “Celebrate Shary Boyle” in support of the Toronto artist chosen to represent Canada at the prestigious Venice Biennale international art exhibition. Chefs are spinning up rolls of sushi. Bartenders are slicing citrus. Waitresses are doing that thing with cocktail napkins where you put your fist on a stack and twist them just so, creating a classy little pinwheel.

On stage, VAG HALEN is sound-checking through a verse of Judas Priest’s “Breaking the Law,” guitarists Heather Kirby and Jackie Mohr playing that heavy-metal riff over a sampled police siren. VAG HALEN (all-caps theirs) is an all-female queer art band that plays hard-rock covers. In sweaty bars around the city, lead singer Vanessa Dunn performs like the possessed daughter of Freddie Mercury and Robert Plant, stripping down to a leather daddy hat and nipple-covering flying Vs of electrical tape while her band cranks out hard-rock classics with note-perfect precision.

So, yes: A $250-a-head party for the kind of silver-haired philanthropists whose names you see in the thank-you section of playbills and on the walls of museums isn’t their usual show. Indeed, when Shary Boyle first told organizers from the National Gallery that she wanted to bring a seven-piece feminist cover band to play Zeppelin tunes for the muckety-mucks of the international art world at the Biennale, the “Olympics of contemporary art,” there was, unsurprisingly, a certain amount of resistance.

“I pretty much had to convince everyone at the National Gallery,” says Boyle. “Why them and not somebody more mainstream, more tasteful, more pleasant?”

Boyle was insistent, though, so tonight’s fundraiser also serves as a bit of an introduction—a chance for the donors to see the band they’re reluctantly sending to the Canadian pavilion’s opening party on May 29.

You can sense a little defensiveness on the band’s part, as if they aren’t sure whether to be nervous about their reception or just give a pre-emptive eff-you to the suits and Rosedale grandpas. “I’m gonna do an impression of our audience,” says bassist Katie Ritchie. She sits at a table, props her head in her hand, and then delicately turns it away from the stage, the picture of politely suppressed disdain.

Sound check continues. In the corner, a server in starchy whites revs up the meat slicer and begins shaving off slivers of prosciutto for the charcuterie board.

“This is going to be the weirdest show ever,” says Dunn.

Vanessa Dunn was raised on big-haired dude-rock. The daughter of a Scarborough esthetician and the sister of two much older brothers, Dunn remembers watching the video for “Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake, featuring classic video vixen Tawny Kitaen writhing on top of a Jaguar in white lingerie, and falling in love. “I looked at that and thought, ‘That’s it,’” says Dunn. “There’s something so beautiful and powerful about that woman. That’s what I wanted to be.”

At a certain point, as she got older, this worship got a bit knottier. It became difficult to love those bands unequivocally. You can only hear so many hilarious stories about Led Zeppelin’s underage groupies before something sours. “It became kind of a problematic relationship, because a lot of those songs aren’t so hot on women,” Dunn says.

VAG HALEN is, among other things, a performance-art project designed to reconcile those problems. It’s Whitesnake reimagined with seven Tawny Kitaens on vox, guitar, bass, and drums. The band was formed when Dunn, an actor, and her wife, Katie Ritchie, former singer of the well-loved Vancouver band The Organ, decided they wanted to work on a project together. They coralled some friends, musicians who’ve played in local indie-pop bands like Ohbijou and the Phonemes, and put together a set of rock tunes for a “Steers & Queers” night in a west-end bar in November of 2011.

The project is simultaneously a high-concept lark—lesbians play cock-rock—and a serious musical undertaking. It’s camp, of course, but they’re not interested in performing as some kind of winky joke. “There’s nothing ironic about this,” says Dunn. “I would not work this hard at something and think this hard about something that was just an ironic cover band. That’s just not interesting to me.”

Since that first show, the band has taken off in ways unimaginable for many cover bands. While most bar bands playing Guns N’ Roses can, at best, hope to play a well-catered wedding, VAG HALEN has somehow managed to open theatre festivals, captivate the crowd at Fucked Up’s multidisciplinary Long Winter festival, and book a gig at the Art Gallery of Ontario. Much like Sheezer, Toronto’s all-female Weezer tribute band, VAG HALEN has been able to transcend its cover-band status, establishing a growing fan base that brings together supporters from unlikely corners—the queer community, west-end hipsters, fans of Black Sabbath. Ask the band members what makes them different, and they’ll give the classic artist answer: intent. Ask their fans, the people who have seen them tear it up at The Piston or at a Vazaleen: Shame party during Pride, and they’ll only say that some alchemy of the band’s charisma, skill, and cheeky approach creates an experience, transforming familiar songs into original art.

When Shary Boyle saw the band at the El Mocambo in January 2012, she was blown away. She knew they would be the ideal band to start a party at the Biennale. “They’re from Toronto, which is representing a city that often doesn’t get that much cred in the art world. They’re just extraordinary musicians, but it’s also super fun to see them subvert that iconic masculine music.”

The band plays covers, yes, but you only need to turn on cottage-country radio to know that nothing is more Canadian than American ’80s rock. “If you had to get a Canadian band that sang about Canada, I think the only person just died—Stompin’ Tom Connors,” says Boyle.

At 7:45 at the Drake, with a healthy crowd assembled, 82-year-old Jim Fleck is on stage. Fleck is a giant in the world of arts fundraising, the chair or president of more foundations and councils than you can name. As one of the big fundraisers for the Biennale, he is also tonight’s emcee, delivering the latest news from Venice and thanking the assembled donors before leaving the stage to applause.

While people mingle, munching on lamb rib chops and shrimp dumplings, Fleck weaves his way through the crowd.

“How long until the band?” he asks the Drake’s curator.

“Ten, 15 minutes,” she says.

“Can you make it five?” Fleck says.

The curator laughs—obligingly, nervously. “For you, Jim, I’ll see what I can do.”

There is a brief pause. “I better go see about the band,” she says.

Let’s say you want to make art. Well, Toronto is a good place for that. Put on a play, start a band, make a strange and beautiful porcelain sculpture: This city’s artistic communities are surprisingly welcoming. Here, our stereotypical “niceness,” often so infuriating, feels like an asset. A little while ago, novelist Sheila Heti wrote about the way that artists collaborate in a place like Toronto: “I often think of how the ethos here makes it easy to even find someone to rip tickets at the door of your show.”

Much of this art will be easy to scoff at, if that’s what you’re into. Some will be meaningful to just a few people for just a few hours. But some will grow and find an audience and, at a certain point, big institutions take notice.

Art, then, becomes an activity that is stage-managed by high-minded bureaucracies. In time, official-sounding organizations, like the National Gallery and the Canada Council, call the philanthropists—those precious few who have, at a certain point, become not just art fans or art enthusiasts but “patrons of the arts.”

Foundations are summoned, signature cocktails prepared. As a sign of goodwill, Adrienne Clarkson sends her personal assistant—an affable young man who makes sure to eat before the event so as not to embarrass himself scarfing down sliders or hovering over the cheese board. These are some of the ways that art gets made in a place like Toronto.

Fifteen minutes after his request, Jim Fleck is on stage to introduce the entertainment. “We don’t have Shary, but we have the next best thing,” Fleck says. “This is the band that Shary insisted be at the party in Venice.”

A few weeks earlier, a magazine piece had touched on the donors’ reluctance to bring VAG HALEN to the Biennale, and now Fleck brings it up on stage.

“There was an article in Maclean’s that said some of the donors wondered why they needed a band,” he says. “I was one of those donors. So I’m particularly interested in being here tonight and hearing what I’ll hear in Venice.”

As far as rock-band introductions go, it isn’t the most enthusiastic. Nevertheless, while the band starts playing the opening chords to “Iron Man,” Dunn and backup singer Stephanie Markowitz enter through the crowd, holding hands high above their heads.

You can sense wariness on both sides, the mutual distrust that can exist between the young and beautiful and the old and powerful. No one wants to feel like they’re being condescended to, after all.

Dunn is wearing a threadbare wife-beater with “Free Pussy Riot” written in black marker, and black jean shorts cut as high as it is possible to cut shorts. The band busts through “Iron Man” and “Breaking the Law” and “Panama.” Jim Fleck sits in a booth.

“Thanks to all of you that wanted us here,” Dunn says between songs. “And to all of you that didn’t.”

Writing about a band like VAG HALEN, it’s tempting to dwell on politics and performance art and how they subvert masculine rock postures, reclaiming them for queer females, et cetera. And that’s undeniably part of the appeal. It’s a pleasure to see a song by Van Halen—a band whose entire catalogue is pretty much just a list of sexualized female body parts—played by a half-dozen women. There is an intellectual fun in sussing out the layers of Dunn aping Robert Plant on “Whole Lotta Love,” watching a woman imitating a man imitating a woman having an orgasm.

Mostly, though, it’s a party. Dunn is on stage pulling out moves from the canon of cock-rock dancing. She’s grasping the mic stand for support and thrusting her hips in time. She’s crawling across the ground on all fours. She’s slinking along the stage, peering down the brim of her hat with a touch of invigorating menace.

The old rock ’n’ roll gestures—calcified through the years to the point where it’s virtually incomprehensible that the Mick Jagger shimmy was once meant to signify danger and virility—suddenly seem sexy and fun and, against all odds, weirdly powerful. When was the last time you saw a frontman straddle a mic stand and howl like he meant it? Where was the last concert you saw a singer “rock out” without a tinge of embarrassment? Show me the last unironic crotch thrust.

And heard here, rather than on a Sunday afternoon on Q-107, it’s apparent how good these songs are. Jackie Mohr—the young shredder they call “Junior,” who moved to Toronto to record an album with Hawksley Workman—is nailing every solo. Susan Gale is pounding the drums. Dunn is singing in a perfect, throat-tearing howl. Who can resist the chugging opening riff of “Breaking the Law”? What kind of po-faced monster would deny himself the rich pleasures of a passionately performed “Welcome to the Jungle,” the second “knees” of the kicker delivered like the most urgent of questions, as in “sha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na knees, KNEES?”

You could see it happen before your eyes, the room collectively realizing that, no, they weren’t the butt of some hipster inside joke, and deciding to drop their mistrust.

Dress shirts were untucked. Middle-aged women in pearls danced, hard. People did that upright version of the Twist that is the default move for crowds of a certain age looking to get down. Had the girls heard of the Dutch ’70s rock band Golden Earring, a man in a tan suit jacket wondered aloud, flashing his rock ’n’ roll bona fides? Adrienne Clarkson’s young assistant took out his phone and snapped a pic. “VAG HALEN has got everyone moving!” he tweeted. By “Whole Lotta Love,” Dunn had the crowd with her. “I wanna give you every inch of my love!” she wailed—a phrase that seemed funny and incongruous and totally righteous all at the same time.

After that, the show just kind of ended. I don’t think Dunn ever said, “This is our last song.” Jim Fleck slowly made his way to the stage.

He shook Dunn’s hand. Did the band have a card, he wondered? Never mind, here was his—“James D. Fleck.” When the band landed in Venice, he wanted them to call him. They were invited to dine with him and his wife in their Venetian apartment. Years ago—before she became an Anglican minister, before he became a patron of the arts—his wife had been a ballet dancer. The band will eat food and drink wine with their patrons. And then, a few days later, they will play those surprisingly potent old songs to the people who had gathered to see what Canadian culture is all about.

COMPLETE COVERAGE

Obviously, VAG HALEN isn’t the only Toronto band that makes a habit—if not a living—out of performing other people’s songs. Here are some of the city’s primo cover acts.

Sheezer: Girls, sometimes in creatively themed costumes, taking Weezer to the next level.

Horsey Craze: The Constantines (R.I.P.) tearing up Neil Young and Crazy Horse tunes.

Loving in the Name Of: Electrifying soul and Motown covers by killer musicians and guest vocalists.

Dwayne Gretzky: Classic rock, couched in the drive and charisma of a certain hockey great.

Wannabe: A journey through the greatest hits of the Spice Girls’ catalogue.

Pretzel Logic: Steely Dan, served with maximum sax and drums, and extra pizzazz.

River Street Band: Springsteen, transplanted from the Jersey shore to midtown Toronto.

The Neil Young’uns: Duh.

Floyd Factor: “Canada’s most comprehensive multimedia tribute to Pink Floyd.”

Starring Zach Galifianakis, Bradley Cooper. Written by Todd Phillips, Craig Mazin. Directed by Todd Phillips. 14A. 100 min. Opens May 23.

A Hangover movie that doesn’t start with a hangover is bound to confound fans who bust a gut over the franchise’s raunchy take on bachelor parties gone very wrong. Instead of the Wolf Pack waking up in a state of squalor in yet another sin-filled city, with The Hangover Part III we get a prison riot and a decapitated giraffe, two gags that accurately indicate the darker, weirder direction taken by the saga’s self-proclaimed “epic finale.”

Even if the results are spottier and less epic than intended, director Todd Phillips and his crew of miscreants display an appealing eagerness to mess with the formula. The modifications include giving central prominence to the franchise’s two wildest wild cards. Though still a mercurial man-child— especially now that he’s off his meds and buying zoo animals on a whim—Alan (Zach Galifianakis) is trying to do some growing up. Unfortunately, his pen-pal relationship with the trusty chaos-generator Leslie Chow (Ken Jeong) puts the Wolf Pack on the bad side of Marshall (John Goodman), a gangster out to settle an old score with Chow.

Frequently sidelined by the action, Phil (Bradley Cooper) and Stu (Ed Helms) seem as bewildered as viewers might be by the material’s shift from smutty comedy to violent, Coen Brothers–style crime caper. By the time they arrive back at Caesar’s Palace—where this whole sordid saga began two movies ago—it can feel less like a circle being completed than a downward spiral (and not an especially funny one at that). Yet Galifianakis and Jeong rarely waste the greater licence they’re given, and two scenes with Melissa McCarthy as a pawn-shop proprietor lend an unexpected poignancy to a series that’s usually prided itself on its misanthropy. Rare is the three-quel that provides so many surprises, even if some are more welcome than others.