By starting up the holiday tunes in November, Shoppers Drug Mart just gave us what they thought we wanted: a nudge to splash out on non-secular treasures.
Festive friends and Christmas chums, I’m sad to say the cardigan-clad ghost of Bing Crosby has been silenced. For a while, at least.
In case you don’t keep abreast of the latest news in carolling: Shoppers Drug Mart caused an uproar when they started playing seasonal tunes one day after Halloween. Over 2,000 comments sullied Shoppers’ Facebook page. Christmas almost died this year because people were so offended. In response, Shoppers has called off the “Jingle Bells” for the time being.
But wait—where’s the offence? In the retail world, Christmas is (obviously) huge: This year, Canadian shoppers are expected to drop up to $613 apiece on gifts. And as much as we’d like to think holiday tunes are cherished touchstones, most of them (especially the annoying ones) have little to do with sleepy baby Jesus. They’re little more than thinly veiled reminders that ’tis the season to go spend money. If not for Andy Williams crooning about how wonderful this time of year is (the most!), how would we know to fill Santa’s sleigh with Olay Regenerist gift sets, Conair Shiatsu Booties, or Axe Excite gift bags? Shoppers just gave us what they thought we wanted: a nudge to splash out on non-secular treasures.
We can’t reserve the right to protest early holiday music when we consume as much—and as often—as we do. That’s like wearing a shirt that says “I Dig Baby Elephants” and grumbling when someone hands you a Babar 75th Anniversary DVD set. We’re prolific, tireless consumers, and by lining up for iPad Minis, pushing for the Eaton Centre’s 364-day retail year, and embracing Black Friday, we’ve made our own Kardashian Kollection 100% cotton sheet–adorned beds.
If you’re so averse to early carols, perhaps spend less time in the shops and more time perfecting the macramé plant holders you could be making for everyone on your list this year. Frosty will have to piss off someone else for now.