Inside a new social mixer for curious, sex-positive young peeps.
One evening a few weeks ago, a group of about half-a-dozen twentysomething girls were sitting in a circle in a second-floor Toronto apartment. They were drinking wine and chatting, and they were all completely naked. Fuelled by Chardonnay, the conversation quickly descended from talk of bodies and boyfriends to masturbation and sex. Somewhere along the way, someone brought up the subject of the vulva, which is noted in anatomical circles for its impressive variance in shape and size. In short order, each member of the group was lying spread-eagle, forming an impromptu pantheon of vulvic diversity.
I didn’t witness this myself—you can’t really go to a vulva show-and-tell if you don’t have a vulva—but I can confidently relay the story since it was told to me by Caitlin Roberts, the sex writer who planned the evening. It was one of the regular Body Pride workshops she runs, and she told me about it in Starbucks. Over peppermint tea.
Roberts is a sharp and lively 22-year-old who writes about dating, sex, love, and being naked on her discreetly named blog, “To Be a Slut.” I hadn’t got in touch with her to talk about vulvas specifically, but she’s the kind of person who volunteers stories like that with only minimal prompting.
I’d actually asked to meet her after coming across an ad for another event she’s helping to organize, called “We’ve Got a Crush On You.” The ad, produced in a shade of pink that reminded me of ’80s sex toys, was an open call for the young and horny of all persuasions to gather in The Central bar at Bloor and Markham for an evening of “making sex-positive friends” and finding new lips to “slobber on.” To help things along, as the young and horny arrive, they’ll each have a number slapped on them, for use in sending suggestive messages to one another via the live Twitter feed that will be displayed in the bar.
“It’s not an orgy, it’s a mixer,” says Roberts, when I ask where all that tweeting and slobbering might be headed. It’s a mixer, specifically, to promote I’d Tap That, a project conceived by Roberts and several bloggers and photographers, including “K,” the writer behind a non-monogamy called “Taken but Available.” Though they’re still hashing out the details, Roberts and K are hoping to create a “sex-positive resource” for young people. The plan is to hold events and workshops where sexually curious under-35-year-olds can get together, make friends, and swap hints and tips for the bedroom.
“We want to provide a judgement-free environment for inquisitive sexual minds,” K tells me in an email, adding that she wants to create a space where people can do a bit of self-discovery while also getting “interested, educated, and goofy.”
To me, it sounds rather like a social club for sexy people and I half expect Roberts to start on about arrangements for committee elections and an annual bake sale, but she’s more reckless with her choice of analogy. “It’s like a gateway drug,” she says. “We want to be the gateway drug for people who are interested but don’t know how to get involved in the sexy areas of life.”
I can’t help but wonder, though, whether in this liberal, diverse city, young people are really in need of somewhere to go to talk about sex and sexuality.
“Places like Good for Her and Come As You Are have really great workshops,” says Roberts, “but as much as I love both of those places, the people there are slightly older and they tend to cater to an older crowd. Although a lot of young people do go there, because the workshops are taught by older people the dynamic is different.”
Roberts adds that she hopes to create a space where nobody will judge anyone for anything they say. “If you come up to me and say you really like being whipped and strangled, then I’ll high five you and I’d look up some articles for you,” she says. “And maybe I’d write a post about it.”
I have no idea how many of Toronto’s young folks are liberated enough to want to get together and talk about best practices in the bedroom or whether I’d Tap That will be a success. But I wouldn’t bet against anyone who can get a bunch of strangers to compare vulvas.
We’ve Got a Crush on You, The Central, 603 Markham St. #ANX May 27, 7 p.m. $5.
