These are the complete transcripts of the interviews excerpted in this week’s cover story, “Dawn of a new gay.”
Ryan, 24, Little Portugal (pictured at top)
How do you feel about marriage? Do you hope to get married someday? Would you say that many of your gay male friends aspire to marriage?
Of all of my friends who want to get married someday, it’s the heterosexual ones. When I ask them why they want to get married, their all-too-common answer usually boils down to an expectation or, frankly, “this is what people do.” However, gay men tend to have a different set of rules and values, and with these, expectations of marriage usually fall to the wayside. In effect, I feel lucky to have the opportunity to carve a life for myself as I choose. I have never believed that I would get married despite loving the concept of (gay) marriage and ultimately having one partner for the rest of my life. Why? I set high (and attainable) goals for myself but I have never expected to find love in my attempt to avoid future disappointment. But when and if I get there, I will definitely suit-up for a walk down the aisle.
Among your generation, do you feel that there is increasing pressure in the community to be “straight-looking” and “straight-acting”? What does that mean to you?
Yes. I am currently in a serious relationship, but I have been single for the majority of my life as an openly gay man. It’s completely superficial in the online environment; being “masculine” is having facial hair and wearing cargo pants and an Abercrombie shirt. A few years ago, I was on a date that ended within five minutes when I was told that my skinny jeans were “too tight.” This guy was still in the closet and I think his search for masculinity in prospective partners is symptomatic of an inner struggle to accept himself. This guy is not an outlier: there is an ever-increasing niche of gay men who are looking for masculine men only. I take the pressure to be masculine lightly. I am who I am and I wear whatever I want to wear and I have never changed my behaviour in order to get dates and/or laid. But, as it turns out, I am a minority within a minority.
What do you think of Toronto’s Pride festivities (the floats, costumes and rainbow iconography)? Would you say your generation relates to this notion of gay culture?
Although I am a gay man who was born and raised here in Toronto and I am entirely comfortable with my sexuality, I have never attended the Pride parade itself (but I have enjoyed the after parties). To say I am not proud of being gay would be entirely false. But for me, gay pride is found beyond the glitter of the Pride parade and, instead, in the everyday openly gay man walking the street, being himself, and living his life without fear of judgment from straights and other gays alike. In other words, gay pride is not exemplified in dancing half-naked on a float. Unfortunately, there is a significant population of young gay men who identity with this notion of pride; however, those of my demographic and niche do not.
How do you feel about the Church-Wellesley Village? Do you and/or young people you know hang out there? Do you think the Village is still relevant to your generation?
I went to the village for the first time when I was 14 years old and this was my first glimpse into what it means to be gay. In my late teens and very early twenties, I partied there quite a bit. What does the Gay Village represent to me now? Nostalgia. Although, I no longer frequent the Village, it was a blast and it reminds me of my struggle to figure out what it means for me to be gay. Thanks to what the village had represented to me, I was able to build a very comfortable life outside of it. I think a mistake that most gay men make when they attempt to live a life outside of the Village is that they inherently become against the Village for all of the wrong reasons. I say it is what is, take it or leave it.
Martin, 24, High Park
How do you feel about marriage? Do you hope to get married someday? Would you say that many of your gay male friends aspire to marriage?
I feel that marriage should be a choice for everyone, but personally it is not something that I have aspired to. I don’t feel the need to have a ring on my finger to show my commitment but who knows what the future will hold.
Among your generation, do you feel that there is increasing pressure in the community to be “straight-looking” and “straight-acting”? What does that mean to you?
I think there has always been pressure to be straight acting, as though “straight acting” placed you on a pedestal. However, in today’s society there is even more encouragement to be yourself.
What do you think of Toronto’s Pride festivities (the floats, costumes and rainbow iconography)? Would you say your generation relates to this notion of gay culture?
I think the Pride festivities continue to play an integral part in gay culture. Toronto pride is one of the largest in the world and, with such an accepting community, it is often easy to forget that there are still many communities which are not as accepting as this one. This celebration of culture and sexuality can be a positive force for those who experience hardship while trying to be themselves.
How do you feel about the Church-Wellesley Village? Do you and/or young people you know hang out there? Do you think the Village is still relevant to your generation?
The freedom and self-expression found within the Village is something that is relevant to all generations. However, with the number of gay-friendly bars and restaurants increasing in the city, I see this expansion as a positive change affecting a much larger gay community.
Nick, 25, High Park
How do you feel about marriage? Do you hope to get married someday? Would you say that many of your gay male friends aspire to marriage?
I think that legalized gay marriage is an incredibly important step for equality; however, at this point in my life I don’t feel a need to get married. It’s never been a dream of mine to walk down the aisle but that may change one day. As far as my friends are concerned, I think that it’s pretty split down the middle¾some of them aspire to marry and others have no interest in it at all.
Among your generation, do you feel that there is increasing pressure in the community to be “straight-looking” and “straight-acting”? What does that mean to you?
I think that there is a divide in our generation. One half is pressuring us to be more “straight-acting” and another half is pressuring us to be ourselves (perhaps it’s the Gaga movement, or perhaps it’s just a step in the right direction). My school of thought is that I’ll get further by being myself than pretending.
What do you think of Toronto’s Pride festivities (the floats, costumes and rainbow iconography)? Would you say your generation relates to this notion of gay culture?
I think that Toronto Pride has grown into something much larger than what it originally was. What began as a fight for equality has evolved into a giant celebration of our sexuality and the strides we’ve made in society. I think that Toronto Pride is like Christmas, Halloween and New Years combined. I’d say my generation relates to the idea of being proud and enjoying the festivities, but many of them see it as an excuse to party rather than reflecting on how far we’ve come in our need for equality.
How do you feel about the Church-Wellesley Village? Do you and/or young people you know hang out there? Do you think the Village is still relevant to your generation?
I think that the Village will always be the concentrated hub of gay activity in the city, but I love that the gay and gay-friendly bars, restaurants and clubs have expanded in the city. It was an important step in being accepted and feeling safe in the city rather than in just one area. I think that the Village is still relevant but the gentrification of the city has made it a safer and more fun place for the people in my generation.
Phil, 23, Waterfront
How do you feel about marriage? Do you hope to get married someday? Would you say that many of your gay male friends aspire to marriage?
I would very much like to get married and have a family one day. I am blessed to have family and friends that support me in every action that I take, and am lucky to live in a country where this is possible.
How do you feel about the Church-Wellesley Village? Do you and/or young people you know hang out there? Do you think the Village is still relevant to your generation?
I lived in the Church-Wellesley Village during my first year at Ryerson, and never went out socially in the neighbourhood. I do have friends that actively go out on Church Street, as they enjoy the clubs and bars, while I prefer to explore other parts of the city. I don’t need to be in a gay-specific area to have fun and dance, as Toronto as a whole has so many incredible options.
Elie, 24, The Annex
How do you feel about marriage? Do you hope to get married someday? Would you say that many of your gay male friends aspire to marriage?
Though a lot of members of the gay community feel that marriage is an exclusively straight, religious institution and that we shouldn’t even be aspiring to achieve equality in that department, I personally look forward getting married and having that family structure. On that note, I think more and more gay men are veering away from that goal and considering their commitment to each other as enough to keep them together. Regardless, the benefits of having your relationship recognized by the government are incredibly significant.
Among your generation, do you feel that there is increasing pressure in the community to be “straight-looking” and “straight-acting”? What does that mean to you?
“Straight looking” and anything that sounds like that is as much of an insult to me as being called a fag or any other derogatory term. Having your sexual preferences is one thing but marginalizing people if they happen to be effeminate is hypocritical and dangerous. I’m me. Sometimes I’m flamboyant, sometimes I’m not, and being asked to express myself any other way is just as bad as being asked to make my way back into that dusty old closet.
What do you think of Toronto’s Pride festivities (the floats, costumes and rainbow iconography)? Would you say your generation relates to this notion of gay culture?
I think it’s become one massive, glitter-encrusted booty call. As fun as it is to have a big celebration, prancing around in our underwear while LGBT individuals all over the world are being murdered for their sexual orientation is a slap in the face to the progress that remains to be done.
How do you feel about the Church-Wellesley Village? Do you and/or young people you know hang out there? Do you think the Village is still relevant to your generation?
I think it’s a little tacky and generic. I don’t feel like I can identify with many people there and a lot of my social circle feel the same way. It’s nice to have a place where you know you’re not going to be the one gay guy in the room but my interests far supersede what the village has to offer. It is what it is and it’s a hub for a large group of people, just not me. It’s almost like a starting point for people’s life as gay individuals until they veer off into different areas of the city.
David, 21, Grange
How do you feel about marriage? Do you hope to get married someday? Would you say that many of your gay male friends aspire to marriage?
I was raised by heterosexual parents who set a really amazing example of love, commitment and loyalty. Ideally, I would like to have what they share one day. While the label of marriage isn’t crucial to a meaningful long-term relationship, I see it as a symbol and testament to commitment.
Among your generation, do you feel that there is increasing pressure in the community to be “straight-looking” and “straight-acting”? What does that mean to you?
First off, my buddies and I joke that “we’re not gay, we just fuck dudes.” I always enjoy people’s accusation that because of my appearance, my tastes (in music, wardrobe, etc.) and my personality, that “you can’t be gay,” with the idea that all gay guys like pop music, bad denim from Guess and talk like a lame and effeminate caricature of homosexuality. I’ve been told I act “like a straight guy,” but I think there’s such a variation of interests and identities not relegated to one’s sexuality. There is both a pressure and a kind of warped fetishization of what it means to be “straight” as a sort of personality-goal and look to be achieved. I draw a line between “straight-acting” and “masculine,” the latter of which I personally find appealing (I’m a gay, I like men, not girls with dicks). I’ve met plenty of masculine gay men, and very “feminine” straight men.
What do you think of Toronto’s Pride festivities (the floats, costumes and rainbow iconography)? Would you say your generation relates to this notion of gay culture?
I’m really grateful to live in a city where one can celebrate their sexuality, not just during Pride, but all year round. Pride has its history too, and with that comes the traditions and stereotypes of generations past. I do feel that Pride unfortunately reinforces the hyper-sexualized, promiscuous and affected stereotypes that are still maintained about homosexuality. It also panders to a really base kind of sexuality and shock-value in the name of “equality” and acceptance.
How do you feel about the Church-Wellesley Village? Do you and/or young people you know hang out there? Do you think the Village is still relevant to your generation?
While I do go out with my friends in the Village, I have no need for it. I am just as comfortable in other neighbourhoods in Toronto, at concerts, or at bars not comprised of the same obvious carbon-copy gay stereotypes. I’ve always been met with acceptance in regards to my sexuality, by both friends and strangers, and as such I don’t have the same necessity for a community or space to feel safe in. Over the past few years, this feeling has become apparent¾the demographics of the Village are weighted to those who are older, and part of a generation that started and needed a gay village. I’m hard-pressed to find guys my age, let alone “normal” guys, guys that don’t fit the typical gay stereotypes and labels.
