The Ford clownshow marches on, getting less funny all the time.
Sweet fuck almighty, bitches. It’s hard to know where to fucking begin with this whole Rob fucking Ford/This Hour Has 22 Fucking Minutes/9-fucking-1-fucking-1 controversy. Like so many things involving the mayor of this whole fucking town, this story has layers and layers and layers.
If you’re just catching up: Rob Ford was ambushed outside his house this week by a CBC camera crew and This Hour Has 22 Minutes comedy relic Marg Delahunty. Rather than play along with the joke like most politicians, he ran into his house and called 911. He said it was dark and his daughter was there, the footage the CBC aired said otherwise, but still: if that’s all there was to the story, it was little more than a kind of annoying sideshow. This Hour gets its best ratings in years but looks kind of like a bully, the mayor gets some sympathy alongside some scorn for being a poor sport or a wimp and it’s the end of the story. But the sideshow stories never fucking end with Rob Ford.
So this morning, we had CBC News report on an alleged leak of the 911 tape, apparently showing a cursing Ford being abusive with operators, and possibly trying to abuse his position:
This morning, CBC reported that when police didn’t arrive right away, Ford turned on the dispatcher in a subsequent call, yelling: “You … bitches! Don’t you f—ing know? I’m Rob f—ing Ford, the mayor of this city!”
So the Twittersphere lit up with a fucking million fucking cursing jokes about the fucking mayor of this fucking whole bitch town. And mixed among the jokes was some debate about whether this reflected badly on the mayor or very badly on the mayor. Or if he’d have to resign.
Those who thought the latter case may be true might have forgotten exactly how resignation-proof Rob Ford has been throughout his political career. There was the time he drunkenly shouted at a stranger at a Leafs game:
According to public complaints, Ford was the epitome of obnoxious during a tense battle between the Leafs and rival Senators, spewing obscenities and bullheaded political jargon. When the complainant asked him to “tone it down a little,” Ford apparently responded, “Who the f*** do you think you are? Are you some kind of right wing Commie bastard? “Do you want your little wife to go over to Iran and get raped and shot?”
Initially, Ford denied he was even at the game, but soon backtracked and owned up to the less than exemplary behaviour. “I’m both embarrassed and humiliated by the whole series of events and I sincerely apologize to anyone that I’ve offended,” he said with a sheepish shrug.
There was the time he allegedly called Giorgio Mammoliti a “gino boy.” And the time he allegedly called Gloria Lindsay Luby a “waste of skin.” And the time he said “orientals” who “work like dogs” were “taking over.” There was the time he offered to score a stranger drugs on tape. There was the time he was charged with possession of pot. The same time he was charged with DUI. There was the time he was talking on his cellphone and allegedly gave a woman who scolded him the finger.
The guy, it should be clear by now, will not be shamed, and will not resign over allegations of incivil or unbecoming behaviour. For fuck’s sakes, bitches: This is Rob fucking Ford. Incivility and unbecoming behaviour are his whole brand.
In pretty much every case, the pattern is the same: he denies the allegation to some great extent, unless proof emerges, in which case he admits as little of the behaviour as he can and apologizes for it while denying anything he can still deny. So he did offer to score a guy drugs, but only because he felt scared for his life. He did talk on his phone while driving, but didn’t give anyone the finger. He did say that stuff about orientals, but he meant it as a compliment. He only lied about the marijuana because he’d forgotten about it because of his DUI, which he initially said was a refusing-to-give-a-breath sample thing, but which was just a case of having one or two glasses of wine—”I wasn’t drunk.” Oh, and that time he was drunk at the Leafs game? Well, he was having “personal problems.”
Right on cue, Ford stepped up with a statement this afternoon:
“After being attacked in my driveway, I hope I can be excused for saying the f-word,” Ford said in a written statement Thursday afternoon. “I never called anyone any names. I apologize for expressing my frustration inappropriately.”
Well, I recognize that pattern: partial admission, denial of significant damning details, insistence on personal victimization.
In this case, of course, a tape exists somewhere of the call. We could check to see what he actually said, if that tape were made public. And Rob Ford is the one with the power to make the tape public. The police won’t release it because of concerns about Rob Ford’s right to privacy. But he could waive those rights, if he wanted to. And if he is telling the truth, then he should want that tape released, because it would prove him right, humiliate the CBC and provide the possible basis for a libel lawsuit against them.
In fact, even if police wouldn’t release the tape at his request, he could file a lawsuit and have the tape played in court as evidence. That would settle the question and screw the CBC at the same time. Talk about vindication. (Please note: if the CBC is wrong–and if they ran with this story without actually hearing the tape, then heads should probably roll over there. That’s a pretty huge fuck-up, as they might report that the mayor might put it.)
But really: the details of this whole thing are just angels on the head of a pin. What this, the whole ridiculous uproar over a comedy segment gone crazy proves is what we already knew: the Ford administration is a neverending shitshow in which any routine political moment can turn into a disgraceful, undignified mess. It just gets less surprising and less amusing as time goes on. Those who are appalled at that already knew it would be the case before he was even elected. Those who elected him don’t seem to fucking care.
And every goddamn crisis of personal bad manners only distracts from the equally ridiculous clownshow the mayor is running on the policy and process front. As Ford may or may not put it, I hope I can be excused for saying the fucking f-word. Bitches.
